Lady Jokes / Recent Jokes

A large woman, wearing a sleeveless sundress, walked into a Bar. She raised her right arm, revealing a huge, hairy armpit as she pointed to all the people sitting at the bar and asked, "What man here will buy a lady a drink?"
The bar went silent as the patrons tried to ignore her.
But down at the end of the bar, an owl-eyed drunk slammed his hand down on the counter and bellowed, "Give the ballerina a drink!"
The bartender poured the drink and the woman chugged it down. She turned to the patrons and again pointed around at all of them, revealing the same hairy armpit, and asked, "What man here will buy a lady a drink?"
Once again, the same little drunk slapped his money down on the bar and said, "Give the ballerina another drink!"
The bartender approached the little drunk and said, "Tell me, it's your business if you want to buy the lady a drink, but why do you keep calling her a ballerina?"
The drunk replied, more...

There were these two 95-year-old men sitting at the senior center one day when the one states, "I have to get right home!"

"What's your hurry?" asks the other.

"Me and the wife are having sex again today."

"Again? How often do you have sex?"

"Every day! I don't have time to talk but I'll tell you what the secret is - Pumpernickel Bread." And he scurried off.

As the other old guy was walking home, he passed a bakery and wandered in. "Do you have any Pumpernickel Bread?" he asked the lady behind the counter.

"Yes, we have 3 shelves of Pumpernickel Bread."

"I'll take it all," the old man blurts out.

The lady was surprised and says, "All of it? It will get hard."

The old man replies, "Why does everyone know about this but me?!"

A beautiful lady came to marry a senior IRSE officer. She told him that even though she was earlier married to four senior taffic officers of Eastern Railway, but she is virgin.The excited civil engineer who was a Sarderji holding a very high position in Indian Railway wanted to know the details before giving his consent. The lady narrated the following stories:
Husband No 1: He was COM of the Railway and wanted detail analysis of screwing to be by deputing TI, TDI and PWI before actually screwing.Joint note never came and he never fucked.
Husband No 2: He was CPTM.He could not finalise the time table of fucking
Husband No 3: Was CSO. He could not fuck because there was no provision in GR&SR.
Husband No 4: Was a CFTM-1 . He told that there is no indent.
After narrating her plight the gentle lady told the civil engineer " Darling you are already screwing the Railway. Now please screw me also."

One day, farmer Williams was in town picking up supplies for his farm. He stopped by the hardware store and picked up a
bucket and an anvil. Then, he stopped by the livestock dealer to buy a couple of chickens and a goose.
However, he now had a problem, how to carry all of his purchases home? The livestock dealer said: "Why don't you put the anvil in the bucket, carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm "Hey, thanks!" the farmer said, and off he went.

While walking he met a little old lady who told him she was lost. She asked: "Can you tell me how to get to 123 Township
Road?" The farmer said: "Well, as a matter of fact, I live at 123 Township Road. Let's take my short cut and go down this alley. We'll be there in no time"
The little old lady said: "How do I know that when we get in the alley you won't hold me up against the wall, pull up my skirt, and ravish me?" The farmer said: "Holy more...

One day in Soweto a delivery truck pulls up outside the Mandela house. The driver gets out and unloads al pile of boxes on to the front lawn. At this point Winnie Mandela arrives back from shopping and accosts the driver: "What are you doing? What is all this stuff on my garden!"
"Look lady," says the driver "see this paper it say 150 car batteries for Nelson Mandela."
And with that he jumps in his truck and drives off.
The next day The truck again pulls up outside the Mandela house and the driver starts to unload. This time Winnie runs out shouting: "What are you doing now?"
"Lokk lady, It says here 200 brake shoes for Nelson Mandela"
"But what does my Nelson want with 200 Brake shoes and 150 batteries, take them away!" shouts Winnie
"No lady I have to leave them or I get the sack", says the driver who has now finished throwing boxes on to the grass, and drives off.
The following day the more...

"What are you doing today, oh mother of my children?" queries papa ji. "Well," replies mum ji, "I think I'll get some chores out of the way, like marrying off your son!" "What a great idea." agrees dad. "You do that while I wash the cars!"

And so the wheels of the' marriage machine' are set in motion. Once moving anyone wishing to stop them is simply steam rolled over! Before long an unsuspecting couple find that it has carried them all the way to the temple. Accompanied by a million voices commanding their every move, they sit cross legged in total bewilderment wondering which order to obey first.



Evolution of the arranged marriage actually starts as soon as the grades have been achieved, the job secured and the Ford Mondeo acquired. For then, life for the single Asian suddenly shifts into the "eligible" gear. Not only do mum and dad treat you like a prize poodle at Crufts but family more...

There are five people on a plane that's crashing. There is the pilot, Bill Gates, Michael Jordan, Wayne Gretzky and a big, fat lady and four parachutes. The pilot jumps out and yells, ''God bless me!'' Bill Gates jumps out and yells, ''God bless me and my bank account!'' Michael Jordan jumps out and yells, ''God bless me and my team!'' Wayne Gretzky jumps out and yells, ''God bless me and the New York Rangers!'' The big, fat lady jumps out without a parachute and yells, ''God bless me and the people I land on!''