Ladies Jokes / Recent Jokes

An young lady inherited a very beautiful parrot when her Aunt died. The girl was surprised to find out that her Aunt had been a very successful Madam and was well known for her sexual appetite. When she got the bird home she soon learned that the bird had quite a vocabulary and that she ended each string of words with the phrase, "I'm a whore." Well the girl was engaged to the son of a preacher and knew that she couldn't keep the bird around once she got married so she discussed the situation with her soon to be husband, after giving the situation some thought he brought the problem to his father. The preacher informed the son that he had a couple of little old ladies in his congregation who also had parrots and that these particular birds spent all of their time in prayer. He called the old ladies and explained the situation. The old ladies invited him to bring the bird to them and felt sure that the naughty bird would benefit from the exposure to the Holy birds. Soon the more...

An Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman are all to give speeches to the Deaf Society. All are keen to make an impression on their audience.
The Englishman goes first and to the surprise of his colleagues starts by rubbing first his chest and then his groin. When he finishes the Scotsman and Irishman ask him what he was doing.
"Well" he explained "By rubbing my chest I indicated breasts and thus Ladies and by rubbing my groin I indicated balls and thus Gentlemen. So my speech started Ladies and Gentlemen."
On his way up to the podium the Scotsman thought to himself 'I'll go on better than that English bastard' and started his speech by making an antler symbol with his fingers above his head before also rubbing his chest and his groin.
When he finished his colleagues asked what he was doing. "Well" he explained "By imitating antlers and then rubbing my chest and groin I was starting my speech by saying Dear Ladies and more...

A minister, a priest and a rabbi went for a hike one day. It was very hot. They were sweating and exhausted when they came upon a small lake. Since it was fairly secluded, they took off all their clothes and jumped in the water.
Feeling refreshed, the trio decided to pick a few berries while enjoying their " Freedom." As they were crossing an open area, who should come along but a group of ladies from town.
Unable to get to their clothes in time, the minister and the priest covered their privates and the rabbi covered his face while they ran for cover.
After the ladies had left and the men got their clothes back on, the minister and the priest asked the rabbi why he covered his face rather than his privates.
The rabbi replied, "I don't know about you, but in MY congregation, its my face they would recognize."

The other day President Clinton was walking around the White
House all morning with a pair of ladies panties on his arm.
Everyone was looking at him and wondering what he was doing
now but no one had the courage to say anything.
At 1200 hours the President's Marine Aide de Camp relieved his
Air Force counterpart who whispered what he'd seen in the Marine Major's ear.
Being a confident and tactfully articulate Officer and a
Gentleman, the Marine Major purposefully strode into the Oval
Office, positioned himself centered and 3 paces in front of the
President's desk and politely inquired what he was doing with
the pair of ladies panties on his arm.
President Clinton replied: "It's the patch, I'm trying to quit."

Three older ladies were discussing the problems of getting
older. One said, "Sometimes I catch myself with a jar of
mayonnaise in my hand, in front of the refrigerator, and can't
remember whether I need to put it away, or start making a
sandwich."
The second lady chimed in, "Yes, sometimes I find myself
standing on the stairs and can't remember whether I was on my
way up or on my way down."
The third one responded, " Well, I'm glad I don't have that
problem; knock on wood," as she rapped her knuckles on the
table... then said, "That must be the door, I'll get it!"

Two elegant ladies were out for their weekly luncheon and had been sitting for a very long time in the restaurant. One of the ladies said, "We've been sitting here for so long my rear end has gone to sleep!"

The other lady responded, "Yes I know, I heard it snoring."

A minister, a priest and a rabbi went for a hike one day. It was very hot. They were sweating and exhausted when they came upon a small lake. Since it was fairly secluded, they took off all their clothes and jumped into the water. Feeling refreshed, the trio decided to pick a few berries while enjoying their "freedom."
As they were crossing an open area, who should come along but a group of ladies from town. Unable to get to their clothes in time, the minister and the priest covered their privates and the rabbi covered his face while they ran for cover.
After the ladies had left and the men got their clothes back on, the minister and the priest asked the rabbi why he covered his face rather than his private
The rabbi replied, "I don't know about you, but in MY congregation, it's my face they would recognize."