Kitchen Jokes / Recent Jokes

An elderly couple has dinner at another couple's house and, after eating, the wives leave the table and go into the kitchen.
The two elderly gentlemen are talking, and one says, "Last night we went out to a new restaurant, and it was really great. I recommend it very highly."
The other man asks, "What's the name of the restaurant?"
The first man knits his brow in obvious concentration, and finally says to his friend, "Ah, what's the name of that red flower you give to someone you love?"
His friend replies, "A carnation?"
"No, no. The other one," the man says.
His friend offers another suggestion, "The poppy?"
"Nah," growls the man. "You know, the one that is red and has thorns."
His friend asks, "Do you mean a rose?"
"Yes, yes that's it. Thank you!" the first man says.
He then turns toward the kitchen and yells, "Rose, what's the name of that more...

A Messy Kitchen Is A Happy Kitchen And This Kitchen Is Delirious
No Husband Has Ever Been Shot While Doing The Dishes
A Husband Is Someone Who Takes Out The Trash And Gives The Impression He Just Cleaned The Whole House
If we are what we eat, then I'm easy, fast, and cheap.
A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.
Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.
Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they shall never cease to be amused.
A Clean House Is A Sign Of A Misspent Life
Help Keep the Kitchen Clean - Eat Out
Housework Done Properly Can Kill You
Countless Number Of People Have Eaten In This Kitchen and Gone On To Lead Normal Lives
My next house will have no kitchen - just vending machines.

A young man went to a girl's house to pick her up for their first date. When he arrived, she lead him into the living room and told him to make himself comfortable while she went into the kitchen to make them drinks.
As he looked around the room, he noticed a little vase on the mantel. He walked over to it and picked it up to examine it, just as she walked back in.
"What's this?" he asked.
"Oh," she replied, "my Dad's ashes are in there."
Embarrassed and speechless, he carefully set the vase back on the mantel.
"Yeah," she continued, "he's too lazy to go into the kitchen to get an ashtray."

Preheat oven, get out utensils and ingredients.
Remove blocks and toy autos from table.
Grease pan, crack nuts.
Measure two cups flour;
Remove baby's hands from flour, wash flour off baby.
Remeasure flour.
Put flour, baking powder, salt in sifter.
Get dustpan and brush up pieces of bowl baby knocked on floor.
Get another bowl.
Answer doorbell.
Return to kitchen.
Remove baby's hands from bowl.
Wash baby.
Answer phone.
Return.
Remove 1/4 inch salt from greased pan.
Look for baby.
Grease another pan.
Answer telephone.
Return to kitchen and find baby.
Remove baby's hands from bowl.
Take up greased pan, find layer of nutshells in it.
Head for baby, who flees, knocking bowl off table.
Wash kitchen floor, table, wall, dishes.
Call baker.
Lie down.

1. Dinner will be ready when the smoke alarm goes off.
2. No husband has ever been shot while doing the dishes.
3. If, we are what we eat, then I'm easy, fast, and cheap.
4. A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.
5. Thou shall not weigh more than thy refrigerator.
6. A clean house is a sign of a misspent life.
7. Help keep the kitchen clean --->>> eat out.
8. Housework done properly can kill you.
9. Countless number of people have eaten in this kitchen and gone on to lead normal lives.
10. My next house will have no kitchen ----just vending machines

A customer walks into a restaurant and notices a large sign on the wall:

$500 IF WE FAIL TO FILL YOUR ORDER!

When his waitress arrives, he orders elephant dung on rye.

She calmly writes down his order and walks into the kitchen where all hell breaks loose!

The restaurant owner comes storming out of the kitchen. He runs up to the customer's table, slaps five $100 bills down on it and says, -

"You got me that time buddy, but I want you to know that's the first time in ten years we've been out of rye bread!"

A Marwari, who had spent his whole life in the desert, comes to visit a friend.

He'd never seen a train or the tracks they run on.

While standing in the middle of the rail tracks one day, he hears this whistle -- Whooee da Whoee! -- but doesn't know what it is.

Predictably, he's hit and is thrown to the side of the tracks.
It was only a glancing blow, so he was fortunate to receive some minor internal injuries, a few broken bones, and some bruises.

After weeks in the hospital recovering, he's at his friend's house attending a party one evening.

While in the kitchen, he suddenly hears the teakettle whistling.
He grabs a iron rod from the nearby shelf and proceeds to batter and bash the teakettle into an unrecognizable lump of metal. His friend, hearing the ruckus, rushes into the kitchen, sees what's happened and asks the desert man,

"Why did you ruin my good tea kettle?"

The desert man more...