Kilt Jokes / Recent Jokes

A young lady asked the Scotsman what he wore under his kilt."Reach up there and find out."She did, but quickly pulled her hand back out and said, "Oh, it's gruesome!""Aye, it has," replied the Scotsman, "and if you put your hand backup there, it'll grow some more!"

A girl was intrigued at the kilt that a Scotsman was wearing, wondering what he would be wearing underneath.

"What's underneath your kilt?", she asked him.

"Why don't you take a look", he replied.

Curiosity overcoming her, she lifted the kilt, then let it go, "Oh, it's gruesome!"

"Well, why don't you take another look, it just grew-some more!!!!!"

A young lady asked the Scotsman what he wore under his kilt." Reach up there and find out." She did, but quickly pulled her hand back out and said, "Oh, it's gruesome!""Aye, it has," replied the Scotsman, "and if you put your hand backup there, it'll grow some more!"

In Scotland, the most important time for a young lad is when he "comes of age" and is allowed to purchase and wear his first kilt.

A couple of weeks before his important birthday, a young lad went to a tailor shop and found the material he wanted for his first kilt. He took the material to the tailor and said, "I'd like ye to make me a kilt with this material here and, if ye don't mind, I'd like ye to make me a pair of matching underwear for it. I hear it gets a might drafty up dem tings!"

So the tailor took the material and promised to call the young lad when the order was completed. A few days later the tailor called the lad back to the shop.

"Here's ye kilt, and here's ye matching underwear, and here's five yards of the material left over. Ye might want to take it home and keep it in case you want anything else made of it."

So the lad rushed home with his order, threw the material in his room, and donned his more...

There was a scottsman and he was too drunk to walk home from the bar. He decides to lay down a park bench and sleep. Tomorrow he would walk home after he was sober. In the morning two little girls are walking by to go to school when they see he is wearing his kilt. One of the little girls get curious and decide to lift up his kilt. They see he's not wearing anything under his kilt so one of the little girls takes a blue ribbon out of her hair and ties it around his thing in a nice little bow. They put his kilt back down and go to school. A little while after the man wakes up and natures calling. He finds the nearest bush, lifts up his kilt and looks down. He says in his scotish accent, "I don't know where ya been but ya won first prize." Sent by Alvin

Lyrics to an old folk song, recently requested:

The Scottsman

Well a Scottsman clad in kilt left a bar one evening fair
And one could tell by how he walked that he'd drunk more than his share
He fumbled' round until he could no longer keep his feet
And he stumbled off in to the grass to sleep beside the street

Ring-ding didle lidle la deo
Ring dye didley eye oh
He stumbled off in to the grass to sleep beside the street

About the thime two young and lovely girls just happened by
One says to the other, with a twinkle in her eye
"See yon sleeping Scottsman, so strong a handsome built
I wonder if it's true what they don't wear beneath the kilt"

Ring-ding didle lidle la deo
Ring dye didley eye oh
I wonder if it's true what they don't wear beneath the kilt

They crept up on the sleeping Scottsman quiet as could be
They lifted up his kilt about an inch so they more...

Why do they call it a "kilt"? Because a lot of people got kilt when they called it a skirt.