Kid Jokes / Recent Jokes
It was the first day of school, and the elementary school teacher was establishing the fact that she'd take no nonsense from the kiddies this year.
While taking the roll, she was told by one boy "My name is Johnny Fuckhauer".
So she said "There'll be none of that kind of thing this year, Johnny; tell me your REAL name!".
The kid said "No, really teacher, it IS Johnny Fuckhauer. You can go across the hall to fourth grade and ask my brother if you
don't believe me!" Not wanting to be subjected to that kind of thing, the teacher went across the hall and knocked on the fourth grade classroom door.
The fourth grade teacher had stepped down the hall to the front office for a moment, so she entered the room and directly asked the class "Do you have a Fuckhauer in here?"
"Hell no!"replied a little kid from the front row, "We don't even get a cookie break!"
A kid is walking down the road, when a car pulls up next to him.
The man in the car opens the window and asks the kid if in return for a sweet he will come in his car.
To which the boy replies "GIVE ME A FIVER AND I'LL COME IN YOUR FACE"!!!!
The cop got out of his car and the kid, that was stopped for speeding, rolled down his window.
"I've been waiting for you all day," the cop said.
The guy replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could." When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.
Today is one of the first Father's Days of our new millennium. Fathers of 1900 didn't have it nearly as good as fathers of today; but they did have a few advantages:
In 1900, fathers prayed their children would learn English.
Today, fathers pray their children will speak English.
In 1900, a father's horsepower meant his horses.
Today, it's the size of his minivan.
In 1900, if a father put a roof over his family's head, he was a success.
Today, it takes a roof, deck, pool, and 4-car garage. And that's just the vacation home.
In 1900, a father waited for the doctor to tell him when the baby arrived.
Today, a father must wear a smock, know how to breathe, and make sure film is in the video camera.
In 1900, fathers passed on clothing to their sons.
Today, kids wouldn't touch Dad's clothes if they were sliding naked down an icicle.
In 1900, fathers could count on more...
A six year old comes crying to his Mother because his little sister pulled his hair.
"Don't be angry," the Mother says, "Your little sister doesn't realize that pulling hair hurts."
A short while later, there's more crying, and the Mother goes to investigate.
This time the sister is bawling and her brother says...
"Now she knows."
A Kid To Her Mother: Today In The Bus One Girl Fell, So Everybody Laughed Exept Me. Mother: Why Din't You Laugh.
Kid: Because I Was The Girl.