Kid Jokes / Recent Jokes

> >>There's this kid who lives on a farm. He comes home from school, in
> a
> >>really bad mood. He sees a pig and kicks it. Then he sees a
> chicken and
> >>kicks
> >>that. Then he walks into the house.
> >>"I saw you kick those animals," his mother said, "For kicking the
> pig,
> >>you'll have no bacon for a week. For kicking the chicken, you'll
> have no
> >>eggs
> >>for
> >>a week." The kid's about to say something, when his father walks in
> the
> >>door,
> >>also
> >>in a foul mood, and kicks the cat. The kid says to his mother, "You
> want
> to
> >>tell
> >>him, or should I?"

A kid was sitting on the side of the road. He was hold a bottle when a priest came up to him and asked what he had.
The kid replied, "Turpentine - The most powerful thing in the universe." The priest looked in awe and said, "Son the most powerful thing in the universe is holy water, If you rub it on a pregnant woman's belly she'll pass a baby boy."
The kid look up in bewilderment and said, "Shit, you rub this on a cat's ass and it will pass a motorcycle."

Kid: Teacher can I go to the bathroom? Teacher: You have to say your ABC's firstKid: Ok, a, b, c, d, e, f, g, h, i, j, k, l, m, n, o, q, r, s, t, u, v, w. x. y, and zTeacher: Where's the p? Kid: It's running down my leg!! Sent by Jenna

My most memorable one was, after being lightly smacked on the butt and asking, "What was that for?" "Nothing. DO something and see what you get." I once got smacked and when I asked, "What was that for?" my mom replied, That's for all the things I never found out about." If you fall out of that tree and break your leg, don't come running to me! Variation: Cut your legs off in that lawnmower, don't you come running to me! If you poke your eye out with that thing, don't come looking for me! You always find things in the last place you look. Keep doing that with your face and it'll stay that way. This hurts me more than it hurts you. Variation: (speaking in time with the spanking) This(spank) hurts(spank) me(spank) more(spank)..... I want you to go find something for me to spank you with. Mother to my Father: "He's got my looks and your brains!" "He's your son!"I've told you a million times, don't exaggerate. What were you thinking more...

A sister and brother are talking to each other when the little boy gets up and walks over to his Grandpa and says, "Grandpa, please make a frog noise."
The Grandpa says, "No."
The little boy goes on, "Please. . please make a frog noise."
The Grandpa says, "No, now go play."
The little boy then says to his sister, "Go tell Grandpa to make a frog noise."
So the little girl goes to her Grandpa and says, "Please make a frog noise."
The Grandpa says, "I just told your brother no and I'm telling you no."
The little girl says, "Please. . please Grandpa make a frog noise."
The Grandpa says, "Why do you want me to make a frog noise?"
The little girl replied, "Because mommy said when you croak we can go to Disney World!"

A little Catholic kid was praying as hard as he could.' God,' he prayed,' I really want a car.' Jumping up and dashing to the window, he saw that the driveway was empty.' God,' he prayed again,' I really NEED a car.' Still no answer to his prayers. Suddenly the kid stood up, ran into his parents' bedroom, and grabbed the statuette of the Virgin Mary off the mantelpiece. He wrapped it up in ten layers of paper, using three rolls of tape and a spool of twine, then stuffed it inside a box at the very bottom of his closet.' Okay, God,' he said, getting down onto his knees again,' if you ever want to see your mother again...'

Why did the kid fall off his bike?
Because someone threw a fridge at him.