Irate Jokes / Recent Jokes

The irate diner raised his hand to catch the attention of a passing waiter.
"Excuse me," said the man, "but how long have you been working here?"
"About a year," replied the waiter.
"In that case," continued the diner, "it couldn't have been you that took my order."

An irate carabiniere was in the process of arresting an inebriated young Roman who decided to take a nap in the middle of the Via Veneto. "It's my duty to warn you," he said sternly, "that anything you say will be held against you."
"Sophia Loren," whispered the drunk, and passed out.

Why do you have to buy such expensive brassieres?" the irate husband snapped as he looked over his wife's latest department-store bills. "You certainly don't have much to put in them."
"If that's the way you figure," she replied sardonically, "then you haven't needed a new pair of shorts in years!"

The background: Someone (No names, children!) walked in on his roommate and caught him masturbating. Consequently, he broke the "sinner"-s arm.
The question: Whoever said that masturbation is sinful, anyway?
The answer: "Every Sperm Is Sacred", Lyrics by Michael Palin and Terry Jones.
There are Jews in the world, there are Buddists,
There are Hindus and Mormons and then
There are those that follow Mohammad, but
I've never been one of them.
I'm a Roman Catholic,
And have been since before I was born,
And the one thing they say about Catholics is
They'll take you as soon as you're warm.
You don't have to be a six footer,
You don't have to have a great brain,
You don't have to have any clothes on,
You're a Catholic the moment Dad came, because
Every sperm is sacred,
Every sperm is great,
If a sperm is wasted,
God gets quite irate.
Every sperm is sacred,
Every sperm is great,
If a sperm more...

An irate woman burst into the baker's shop and said, "I sent my son in for two pounds of cookies this morning but when I weighed them there was only one pound. I suggest you check your scales." The baker looked at her calmly for a moment or two and then replied, "Ma'am, I suggest you weigh your son."

Another joke that just proves lawyers get no respect:

An irate man at a bar says loudly, "Lawyers are jerks!"

The man two seats down proclaims just as loudly, "I object!"

"Why?" asks the first man. "Are you a lawyer?"

"No," the other replies. "I'm a jerk."

While taxiing at London Gatwick, the crew of a US Air flight departing for Ft. Lauderdale made a wrong turn and came nose to nose with a United 767. An irate female ground controller lashed out at the US Air crew, screaming:

"US Air 2771, where the hell are you going? I told you to turn right onto Charlie taxiway! You turned right on Delta! Stop right there. I know it's difficult for you to tell the difference between Cs and Ds, but get it right!" Continuing her tirade to the embarrassed crew, she was now shouting hysterically: "God, you've screwed everything up! It'll take forever to sort this out! You stay right there and don't move till I tell you to! You can expect progressive taxi instructions in about half an hour and I want you to go exactly where I tell you, when I tell you, and how I tell you! You got that, US Air 2771?"

"Yes ma'am," the humbled crew responded. Naturally the ground control frequency went terribly silent more...