Burst Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    ONE NIGHT 4 MBA STUDENTS WERE BOOZING TILL LATE NIGHT AND DIDN`T STUDY
    FOR THE TEST WHICH WAS SCHEDULED FOR THE NEXT DAY.

    IN THE MORNING THEY THOUGHT OF A PLAN. THEY MADE THEMSELVES LOOK AS DIRTY AND WEIRD AS THEY COULD WITH GREASE AND DIRT. THEY THEN WENT UP TO THE DEAN AND SAID THAT THEY HAD GONE OUT TO A WEDDING LAST NIGHT AND ON THEIR RETURN THE TYRE OF THEIR CAR BURST AND THEY HAD TO PUSH THE CAR ALL THE WAY BACK AND THAT THEY WERE IN NO CONDITION TO APPEAR FOR THE TEST.

    THEN DEAN WAS A JUST PERSON SO HE SAID THAT YOU CAN HAVE THE RETEST AFTER 3 DAYS.
    THEY SAID THEY WILL BE READY BY THAT TIME. ON THE THIRD DAY THEY APPEARED BEFORE THE DEAN. THE DEAN SAID THAT THIS WAS A SPECIAL CONDITION TEST.
    ALL FOUR WERE REQUIRED TO SIT IN SEPARATE CLASSROOMS FOR THE TEST. THEY ALL AGREED AS THEY HAD PREPARED WELL IN THE LAST THREE DAYS. THE TEST CONSISTED OF 2 QUESTIONS WITH TOTAL OF 100 MARKS.

    Q. 1. WRITE DOWN YOUR NAME -----(2 MARKS)
    Q. more...

    Politically Correct Little Red Riding HoodThere once was a young person named Little Red Riding Hood who livedon the edge of a large forest full of endangered owls and rare plants thatwould probably provide a cure for cancer if only someone took the time tostudy them. Red Riding Hood lived with a nurture giver whom she sometimes referred toas "mother", although she didn't mean to imply by this term that she would havethought less of the person if a close biological link did not in fact exist. Nor did she intend to denigrate the equal value of nontraditional households, although she was sorry if this was the impression conveyed. One day her mother asked her to take a basket of organically grown fruit andmineral water to her grandmother's house." But mother, won't this be stealing work from the unionized people whohave struggled for years to earn the right to carry all packages betweenvarious people in the woods?" Red Riding Hood's mother assured her that she had more...

    Centuries ago when the Seas were ruled by pirates, there was a certain captain. One day this captain was relaxing when the lookout burst into his quarters. "Captain, pirate ship off the port bow!"
    The captain then called for his first mate and said, "First mate, bring me my red shirt!" The red shirt was brought to him, they went into battle and won.
    The next day the lookout again burst into the room and said, "Captain, two pirate ships closing fast!" Once again the captain called for the first mate and said, "First mate, bring me my red shirt!" The first mate brought him his red shirt and once again they won the battle.
    During the celebration the first-mate asked, "Captain, why do you always ask for your red shirt when we go into battle?"
    "The answer is simple. That way, if I'm injured, the crew won't know and they won't lose hope."
    Just then the lookout burst through the door, "Captain, ten ships more...

    Not too long ago, I saw something at the gun and pawn shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our 10th anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my wife.
    What I came across was a 100, 000-volt, pocket/purse-sized taser. The effects of the taser were supposed to be short lived, with no long term
    adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety.
    Needless to say, this was way too cool. Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home. I loaded two AAA batteries in the thing and pushed the button. Nothing!
    I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button AND pressed it against a metal surface at the same time; I'd get a blue arc of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs. Awesome! Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to my wife what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave.
    Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be more...

    Patient: My hair keeps falling out. What can you give me to keep it in?
    Doctor: A shoebox.

    Doctor: Did you know that there are more than 1, 000 bones in the human body?
    Patient: Shhh, doctor! My dog's outside in the waiting room!

    As the doctor completed an examination of the patient, he said, "I can't
    find a cause for your complaint. Frankly, I think it's due to drinking."
    "In that case," said the patient, "I'll come back when you're sober".

    Nurse: "Doctor, don't cut so deep.
    That's the third operating table you've ruined this month!"

    A man speaks frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant,
    and her contractions are only two minutes apart!"
    "Is this her first child?" the doctor queries.
    "No, you *idiot*!" the man shouts. "This is her *husband*!"

    Patient: Doctor, I have a split personality.
    Psychiatrist: more...

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