Intercourse Jokes / Recent Jokes

LOVE - When your eyes meet across a crowded room.
LUST- When your tongues meet across a crowded room.
MARRIAGE - When you try to lose your spouse in a crowded room.
LOVE - When intercourse is called "making love."
LUST - When intercourse is called "screwing."
MARRIAGE - When intercourse is a town in Pennsylvania.
There really is one.
LOVE - When you argue over how many children to have.
LUST - When you argue over who gets the wet spot.
MARRIAGE - When you argue over whose idea it was to have kids.
LOVE - When you share everything you own.
LUST - When you steal everything they own.
MARRIAGE - When the bank owns everything.
LOVE - When it doesn't matter if you don't climax.
LUST - When the relationship is over if you don't climax.
MARRIAGE - When. . . uh. . . what's a climax?
LOVE - When you phone each other just to say, "Hi."
LUST - When you phone each other to pick a more...

WANKY PANKY
- fooling around, naughtier than hanky panky
THRUSTER BUSTER
- a sudden noise that interrupts the act of sex, especially a doorbell, the sound of a spouse's car in the driveway or the shrill voice of an unexpected parent
RUBBER FLUBBER
- sudden realization that the condom has broken
BOOBIE LUBEY
- stimulation of a female's breasts to arouse sexual interest
DICKIE LICKIE
- oral stimulation of the male's private parts
TUSHIE PUSHIE
- doggie-style sexual intercourse
PECKER WRECKER
- oral sex given to a man by a female wearing braces on her teeth
FUCKIE SUCKIE
- oral sex and sexual intercourse both
STINKIE PINKIE
- the result of sexual stimulation of the female's private parts by the male's hands
HUMMER CUMMER
- I think you can figure out this one all by yourself!

HOW..."BIG"... SHOULD A MAN BE?
Don't by shy. It's an important question, and one surrounded by confusion. The average man's penis is 2 1/2 to 3 inches long. Men substantially larger than this must often undergo painful surgery to
cure their condition. In thickness, the average man is slightly larger than a ball-point pen.

HOW..."LONG"... SHOULD A MAN LAST?
Some men can prolong the sex act beyond the once-unbreakable thirty-second barrier; intercourse with an experienced man can go for up to forty-five seconds. Once in a long while, you'll find a man who can "last" as long as a minute. Whatever you do, don't let your girlfriends know you've landed one of these desirable "sixty second wonders."

HOW DO I KNOW IF I'M HAVING AN ORGASM?
The female orgasm is a sensation that's very hard to put into words, but most fulfilled, experienced women agrees that it "feels like something inside of you." When more...

A couple, age 67, went to the doctor's office. The doctor asked, "What canI do for you?" The man said, "Will you watch us have sexual intercourse?" The doctor looked puzzled, but agreed. When the couple finished, the doctorsaid, "There is nothing wrong with the way you have intercourse." And hethen charged them $32. 00. This happened several weeks in a row. The couple would make an appointment, have intercourse, pay the doctor and leave. Finally the doctor asked, "Just what exactly are you trying to find out?" The old man said, "We're not trying to find out anything. She is marriedand we can't go to her house. I am married and we can't go to my house. The Holiday Inn charges $60. 00 and the Hilton charges $75. 00. We do it herefor $32. 00, and I get back $28. 00 from Medicare for a visit to the doctor'soffice."

Cindy Lou Edleman Performs Quality Sexual Favors
Your Mother and Father Are of the Same Genetic Background
Mexicans Smell Vaguely of Jalapenos
Last Night You Enjoyed Carnal Pleasures With Your Sister
Your Intelligence Quota is Dubious at Best
For a Moderate Fee I Believe Your Mother Would Fellate Me
You Have Had Intimate Relations With a Person of African Descent and You Shall Never Know the Love of a Caucasian Again.
You Look Upon Your Dog With Lust
Methinks You Have the Odor of Fecal Matter Upon You
I Partook in Intercourse with Your Sister's Derriere
The Acne on Your Face Spreads Throughout Your Nether Regions
The People of France Know Not the Joys of Deodorant
A Hamster is Superior in Intelligence to Your Mother
For An Evening of Sordid Delights Involving Both Sadism and Masochism, Please Ring Mary at 212.555.5555
Ryan Beaugarde is Inadequate in the Ways of Oral Enjoyment
The Heavy Metal Rock Band Entitled Motley Crue is more...

A market researcher called at a house and his knockwas answered by a young woman with three smallchildren running around her. He asked her if she mindedreplying to his questions and she agreed. He asked her if she knew his company, Cheeseborough-Ponds. When she said no, he mentioned that among their many products wasVaseline and she certainly knew of that product. When asked ifshe used it, the answer was "Yes." Asked how she used it, she said, "To assist sexual intercourse." The interviewerwas amazed. He said, "I always ask that question becauseeveryone uses our product and they always say they useit for the childs bicycle chain, or the gate hinge; butI know that most use it for sexual intercourse. Since youvebeen so frank, could you tell me exactly how you useit?""Yes, we put it on the doorknob to keep the kids out."

An elderly couple went to the doctor's office. The doctor asked, "What can I do for you?"
The man said, "Will you watch us have sexual intercourse?"
The doctor looked puzzled but agreed. When the couple had finished, the doctor said, "There is nothing wrong with the way you have intercourse." And he charged them $20.
This happened several weeks in a row. The couple would make an appointment, have intercourse, pay the doctor, and leave. Finally the doctor asked, "Just exactly what are you trying to find out?"
The old man said, "We're not trying to find out anything. She is married and we can't go to her house. I am married and we can't go to my house. Holiday Inn charges $32. The Hilton charges $37. We do it here for $20 and I get $18 back from Medicare for a visit to the doctor's office."