Inmates Jokes / Recent Jokes
A doctor at an insane asylum, decided to take his inmates to a baseball game. For weeks in advance, he coached his patients to respond to his commands.
When the day of the game arrived, everything seemed to be going well. As the national anthem started, the doctor yelled, "Up nuts!" and the inmates complied by standing up. After the anthem he yelled, "Down Nuts!" and they all sat. After a home run he yelled, "Cheer nuts!" and they all broke into applause and cheers. Thinking things were going very well, he decided to go get a beer and a hot-dog, leaving his assistant in charge. When he returned there was a riot in progress. Finding his assistant, he asked what happened. The assistant replied, "well... everything was fine until some guy walked by and yelled,' PEANUTS!'"
A doctor at an insane asylum, decided to take his inmates to a baseball game. For weeks in advance, he coached his patients to respond to his commands.
When the day of the game arrived, everything seemed to be going well. As the national anthem started, the doctor yelled, “Up nuts! ” and the inmates complied by standing up.
After the anthem he yelled, “Down Nuts! ” and they all sat. After a home run he yelled, “Cheer nuts! ” and they all broke into applause and cheers. Thinking things were going very well, he decided to go get a beer and a hot-dog, leaving his assistant in charge. When he returned there was a riot in progress.
Finding his assistant, he asked what happened. The assistant replied, “Well… everything was fine until some guy walked by and yelled, ‘PEANUTS! ’”
Can you imagine working for this organization? It has less than 1000 employees with the following statistics:
*29 have been accused of spousal abuse
*7 have been arrested for fraud
*19 have been accused of writing bad checks
*117 have bankrupted at least two businesses
*3 have been arrested for assault
*71 cannot get a credit card due to bad credit
*14 have been arrested on drug related charges
*8 have been arrested for shoplifting
*21 are current defendants in lawsuits
*In 1998 alone, 84 were stopped for drunk driving
Can you guess which organization this is? Give up?
It's the 535 members of The United States Congress; the same group that cranks the laws designed to keep the rest of us in line. Are the inmates running the asylum?
How do you tell the difference between the staff and the inmates at a psychiatric hospital?
The patients get better and leave.
Not everyone of the patients thinks he is God.
The staff have the keys!
* Inmates who don't flush after eating chili for lunch.
* Inmates who look like the sperm used to conceive them was 100% steroids.
* Coming up with one too many during a head count.
* Having to break up a fight in the shower.
* Being asked to be the bridesmaid when two inmates tie the knot.
* Recognizing the newest inmate as your proctologist.
* The fact that inmates get more cable channels than you do at home.
* Having a new neighbor move in next door who looks wa-a-a-y to familiar.
* Being on a first-name basis with a serial sex killer.
* Finding a hole in your glove after completing a body cavity search.
* Learning that your mother just announced her engagement to # 93A44274.
The recreational director of a mental hospital wanted to take a wellbehaved group of inmates to a baseball game. The General Manager ofthe club was a little leery of this. When the Recreational Directorsaid: "If I prove to you how well behaved they are, will you letthem in?" The General Director agreed. The group of inmates came in and sat down. The Recreational Directorshouted: "Stand up, nuts!" Everyone stood up. "Sit down, nuts!"Everyone sat down. "Look behind you, nuts!" Everyone turned around. Pleased with that, the General Manager let them in. About the thirdinning or so, he heard a tremendous commotion! People were runninghelter skelter. He asked what happened and was told that someone hadcalled out: "Peanuts!"