Ingredients Jokes / Recent Jokes

Windows 95 Beer - You can't buy it yet, but a lot of people have taste-tested it and claim it's wonderful. The can looks a lot like Mac Beer's can, but tastes more like Windows 3.1 Beer. It comes in 32-oz. cans, but when you look inside, the cans only have 16 oz. of beer in them. Most people will probably keep drinking Windows 3.1 Beer until their friends try Windows 95 Beer and say they like it. The ingredients list, when you look at the small print, has some of the same ingredients that come in DOS beer, even though the manufacturer claims that this is an entirely new brew.

If operating systems were beer
DOS Beer:
Requires you to use your own can opener, and requires you to read the directions carefully before opening the can. Originally only came in an 8-oz. can, but now comes in a 16-oz. can. However, the can is divided into 8 compartments of 2 oz. each, which have to be accessed separately. Soon to be discontinued, although a lot of people are going to keep drinking it after it's no longer available.
Mac Beer:
At first, came only a 16-oz. can, but now comes in a 32-oz. can. Considered by many to be a "light" beer. All the cans look identical. When you take one from the fridge, it opens itself. The ingredients list is not on the can. If you call to ask about the ingredients, you are told that "you don't need to know." A notice on the side reminds you to drag your empties to the trashcan.
Windows 3.1 Beer:
The world's most popular. Comes in a 16-oz. can that looks a lot like Mac Beer's. Requires that you more...

Santa happened to participate in a competition, which was about writing the shortest story.
The organizers had put a condition that a story must have four ingredients viz. religion, sex, suspense and mystery.
When Santa`s turn came after many attempts by others. Santa`s story was of just one sentence which read "Oh god, my wife is going to deliver a child".
Ostensibly amused, the organizers asked the american whether it contained all the four ingredients! American replied affirmatively and gave his explanation as below:
Oh god: religion.
My wife: sex.
Going to deliver a child: suspense (whether a girl or a boy)
"Okay.... but where is the mystery?" asked one of the organizers.
Santa replied: who is the father? He was the winner for writing the shortest story!

Dear Diary: Monday: Now home from honeymoon and settled in our new home. It’s fun to cook for Bob. Today I made angel food cake. The recipe said, “Beat 12 eggs separately. ” The neighbors were nice enough to loan me some extra bowls. Tuesday: Bob wanted fruit salad for supper. The recipe said, “Serve without dressing. ” So I didn’t dress. What a surprise when Bob brought a friend home for supper. Wednesday: A good day for rice. Recipe said, “Wash thoroughly before steaming the rice. ” It seemed kinda of silly but I took a bath. I can’t say it improved the rice any. Thursday: Today Bob asked for salad again. I tried a new recipe. It said, ”Prepare ingredients, then toss on a bed of lettuce one hour before serving. ” Which is what led up to Bob asking me why there was lettuce in our bed that night. Friday: I found an easy recipe for cookies. It said, “Put all ingredients in bowl and beat it. ” There must have been something wrong with this recipe. When I got more...

DOS Beer: Requires you to use your own can opener, and requires you to read the directions carefully before opening the can. Originally only came in an 8-oz. can, but now comes in a 16-oz. can. However, the can is divided into 8 compartments of 2 oz. each, which have to be accessed separately. Soon to be discontinued, although a lot of people are going to keep drinking it after it's no longer available.
Mac Beer: At first, came only a 16-oz. can, but now comes in a 32-oz. can. Considered by many to be a "light" beer. All the cans look identical. When you take one from the fridge, it opens itself. The ingredients list is not on the can. If you call to ask about the ingredients, you are told that "you don't need to know." A notice on the side reminds you to drag your empties to the trashcan.
Windows 3. 1 Beer: The world's most popular. Comes in a 16-oz. can that looks a lot like Mac Beer's. Requires that you already own a DOS Beer. Claims that it allows you more...

DOS Beer - Requires you to use your own can opener, and requires you to read the directions carefully before opening the can. Originally only came in an 8-oz. can, but now comes in a 16-oz. can. However, the can is divided into 8 compartments of 2 oz. each, which have to be accessed separately. Soon to be discontinued, although a lot of people are going to keep drinking it after it's no longer available.Mac Beer - At first, came only a 16-oz. can, but now comes in a 32-oz. can. Considered by many to be a "light" beer. All the cans look identical. When you take one from the fridge, it opens itself. The ingredients list is not on the can. If you call to ask about the ingredients, you are told that "you don't need to know." A notice on the side reminds you to drag your empties to the trashcan.Windows 3.1 Beer - The world's most popular. Comes in a 16-oz. can that looks a lot like Mac Beer's. Requires that you already own a DOS Beer. Claims that it allows you to drink more...

DOS Beer
Requires you to use your own can opener, and requires you
to read the directions carefully before opening the can.
Originally only came in an 8-oz. can, but now comes in a
16-oz. can. However, the cans are divided into 8 compartments
of 2 oz. each, which have to be accessed separately. Soon
to be discontinued, although a lot of people are going to
keep drinking it after it's no longer available.
Mac Beer
At first, came only in a 16-oz. can, but now comes in a 32-oz.
can. Considered by many to be a "light" beer. All the cans
look identical. When you take one from the fridge, it opens
itself. The ingredients list is not on the can. If you call
to ask about the ingredients, you are told that "you don't
need to know." A notice on the side reminds you to drag your
empties to the trashcan.
Windows 3.1 Beer
The world's most popular. Comes in a 16-oz. can that looks a
lot like a Mac Beer's more...