Impaired Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    According to a recent study, driving while using a cell phone is more dangerous than driving with a.08 percent blood alcohol level, considered legally impaired in most states. However, the study does not take into account the fact that someone who is legally impaired is also likely to be on their cell phone-booty calling a fat chick.

    What will happen if the Government of India decides to become a commercial film financier, say of' Mahabharat'? Read on.... Government of India Ministry of Human Resources Development Department of Culture Films Division No. B1452/234/2003 Dt. 15. 5. 03To: Shri. B. R. Chopra, Film Director, Mumbai Ref: Your letter dt. 2. 12. 90 regarding financing of films by Govt ofIndia -story submitted by you - namely,' Mahabharat' The undersigned is directed to refer the above letter and state that the Government has examined your proposal for financing a filmCalled' 'Mahabharat'. The Very High Level Committee constituted for this purpose has been in consultation with the Human Rights Commission, National Commission for Women and Labour Commission, in addition to various Ministries and State Governments, and have formed definitive opinionsAbout the script. Their observations are as below: 1. In the script submitted by you it was shown that there were two setsof cousins, namely, the Kauravas more...

    Have you ever wanted to talk about a girl but was afraid that you
    would offend the person standing near you?... NOT. Well, if you are, then
    here are some alternatives to some popular phrases.
    I found them on a poster, but I don't remember which one.
    She is not: An airhead
    She is: Reality Impaired
    She is not: A Bleached Blond
    She is: Peroxide Dependant
    She is not: A babe or chick
    She is: A Breasted American
    She does not have: Major league hooters
    She is: Pectorally Superior
    She does not have: A Great Tan
    She is: Pigmentally Enhanced
    You do not want to: Score or pick her up
    You want to: Attempt a Horizontal Encounter
    She is not: A perfect 10
    She is: Numerically Superior
    She does not have: A great butt
    She has: A Superior Posterior
    If she does not want to get: Married or hitched
    She does not want: Domestic Incarceration
    She is not: Half naked
    She is: Wardrobe more...

    New Official Politically Correct Terms for the 90'sOLD---------------NEWconservative--reactionarythe establishment--white power elitehearing person--temporarily aurally abledsighted person--temporarily visually abledblind--visually challengedmute--vocally challengeddeaf--aurally challengeddead--metabolically differentalive--temporarily metabolically abledugly--aesthetically challengedfat--gravitationally challengedheavy-set--people of massrude--politically correct psychopath--socially misalignedcrooked--ethically challengedklutzy--kinesthetically challengedbald--follicularly challengedshort--differently staturednon-white, non-male oppressed--white melanin impoverished / genetically oppressivewhite male--oppressorblack--african-americanasian--asian-americanafro-american--african-americanminority group--numerically challenged group; under-represented populationblack--person of colorChicano--person of colorweird green freak--person of colorfemale--person of genderdrooling drunk more...

    New Official Politically Correct Terms for the 90'sOLD
    NEWconservative-reactionarythe establishment-white power elitehearing person-temporarily aurally abledsighted person-temporarily visually abledblind-visually challengedmute-vocally challengeddeaf-aurally challengeddead-metabolically differentalive-temporarily metabolically abledugly-aesthetically challengedfat-gravitationally challengedheavy-set-people of massrude-politically correct psychopath-socially misalignedcrooked-ethically challengedklutzy-kinesthetically challengedbald-follicularly challengedshort-differently staturednon-white, non-male oppressed-white melanin impoverished / genetically oppressivewhite male-oppressorblack-african-americanasian-asian-americanafro-american-african-americanminority group-numerically challenged group; under-represented populationblack-person of colorChicano-person of colorweird green freak-person of colorfemale-person of genderdrooling drunk idiot-person on floorgroup of more...

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