Hotel Jokes / Recent Jokes
A businessman sends a fax to his wife:
To My Dear Wife,
You will surely understand that I have certain needs that you with your 54 years can no longer supply. I am very happy with you and value you as a good wife.
Therefore after reading this fax, I hope that you will not
wrongly interpret the fact that I will be spending the evening with my 18 year old secretary at the Comfort Inn Hotel. Please don't be perturbed I shall be back home before midnight.
When the man came home, he found the following letter on the dining room table.
My Dear Husband,
I received your fax and thank you for your honesty. I would like to take this opportunity to remind you that you are also 54 years old. At the same time I would like to inform you that while you read this, I will be at the Hotel Fiesta with Michael my tennis coach, who like your secretary is also 18 years old.
As a successful businessman and with your excellent knowledge of Math, you will more...
Next time you think your hotel bill is too high... you might want to use this mans logic.
A husband and wife are travelling by car from Key West to Boston. After almost twenty-four hours on the road, they're too tired to continue, and they decide to stop for a rest.
They stop at a nice hotel and take a room, but they only plan to sleep for four hours and then get back on the road.
When they check out four hours later, the desk clerk hands them a bill for $350.
The man explodes and demands to know why the charge is so high.
He tells the clerk although it's a nice hotel, the rooms certainly aren't worth $350.
When the clerk tells him $350 is the standard rate, the man insists on speaking to the Manager.
The Manager appears, listens to the man, and then explains that the hotel has an Olympic- sized pool and a huge conference center that were
available for the husband and wife to use.
"But we didn't use them", the man more...
A blonde was spending almost all of her vacation sunbathing on the roof of her hotel. She wore a bathing suit the first day, but on the second, she decided that no one could see her way up there, and she slipped out of it for an overall tan.
She’d hardly begun when she heard someone running up the stairs. She was lying on her stomach, so she just pulled a towel over her rear.
“Excuse me, miss, ” said the flustered assistant manager of the hotel, out of breath from running up the stairs. “The hotel doesn’t mind you sunbathing on the roof, but we’d appreciate your wearing a bathing suit as you did yesterday. ”
“What difference does it make, ” the blonde asked rather calmly. “No one can see me up here, and besides, I’m covered with a towel. ”
“Not exactly, ” said the embarrassed gentleman. “You’re lying on the dining room skylight. ”
These are supposedly actual signs that have appeared at various locations. Sign in a Hong Kong supermarket: "For your convenience, we recommend courteous, efficient self-service." Sign at fast-food place: "PARKING FOR DRIVE-THRU CUSTOMERS ONLY!" Sign outside a Hong Kong tailor shop: "Ladies may have a fit upstairs." Sign in a Rhodes tailor shop: "Order your summers suit. Because is big rush we will execute customers in strict rotation." Sign from the Soviet Weekly: "There will be a Moscow Exhibition of Aets by 15, 000 Soviet Republic painters and sculptors. These were executed over the past two years." Sign in an East African newspaper: "A new swimming pool is rapidly taking shape since the contractors have thrown in the bulk of their workers." Sign in a Vienna hotel: "In case of fire, do your utmost to alarm the hotel porter." Sign in an advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist: "Teeth extracted by the latest more...
A person checks into a hotel for the first time in his life, and goes up to his room. Five minutes later he calls the desk and say, "You've given me a room with no exit. How do I leave?" The desk clerk says, "Sir, that's absurd. Have you looked for the door?" The person says, " Well, there's one door that leads to the bathroom. There's a second door that goes into the closet. And there's a door I haven't tried, but it has a' do not disturb' sign on it."
It was three o'clock in the morning, and the receptionist at a posh hotel was just dozing off, when a little old lady came running towards her, screaming. "Please come quickly!" she yelled, "I just saw a naked man outside my window!!!" The receptionist immediately rushed up to the old lady's room.
"Where is he?" asked the receptionist.
"He's over there," replied the little old lady, pointing to an apartment building opposite the hotel. The receptionist looked over and could see a man with no shirt on, moving around his apartment.
"It's probably a man who's getting ready to go to bed," she said reassuringly. "And how do you know he's naked, you can only see him from the waist up?"
"The dresser, honey!" screamed the old lady. "Try standing on the dresser!"
These are supposedly actual signs that have appeared at various locations. Sign on a Norfolk farm: "Trespassers beware! I shoot every tenth trespasser. The ninth one just left." Sign seen in London department store: "Bargain Basement Upstairs" Sign seen in the vicinity of Victoria Station: "Closed for official opening." Sign in a Paris hotel elevator: "Please leave your values at the front desk." Sign in a hotel in Athens: "Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11 A. M. daily." Sign in a Yugoslavian hotel: "The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid." Sign in a Japanese hotel: "You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid." Sign in a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery: "You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian composers, artists, and writers are buried daily except Thursday.