Honk Jokes / Recent Jokes
The other day I went up to a local Christian bookstore and saw a "Honk If You Love Jesus" bumper sticker. I was feeling particularly sassy that day because I had just come from a thrilling choir performance, so I bought the sticker and put it on my bumper.Boy, I'm glad I did! What an uplifting experience followed!I was stopped at a red light at a busy intersection, just lost in thought about the Lord and how good He is. I didn't notice that the light had changed. It is a good thing someone else loves Jesus because if he hadn't honked, I'd never have noticed! I found that LOTS of people love Jesus!While I was sitting there, the guy behind started honking like crazy, and then he leaned out of his window and screamed,
"For the love of GOD! GO! GO! GO!"What an exuberant cheerleader he was for Jesus! Everyone started honking! I just leaned out of my window and started waving and smiling at all these loving people. I even honked my horn a few times to share in the more...
1. Constipated People Don't Give A Crap.
2. Practice Safe Sex, Go Screw Yourself.
3 If You Drink Don't Park, Accidents Cause People.
4. Who Lit The Fuse On Your Tampon?
5. If You Don't Believe In Oral Sex, Keep Your Mouth Shut.
6. Please Tell Your Pants Its Not Polite To Point.
7. If That Phone Was Up Your Butt, Maybe You Could Drive A Little Better.
8. My Kid Got Your Honor Roll Student Pregnant.
9. Thank You For Pot Smoking.
10. To All You Virgins Thanks For Nothing.
11. If At First You Don't Succeed...blame Someone Else And Seek Counseling.
12. Impotence: Nature's Way Of Saying "No Hard Feelings".
13. If You Can Read This, I've Lost My Trailer.
14. Horn Broken... Watch For Finger.
15. It's Not How You Pick Your Nose, But Where You Put The Booger.
16. If You're Not A Hemorrhoid, Get Off My Ass.
17. You're Just Jealous Because The Voices Are Talking To Me
18. The Earth Is Full - Go Home
19. I Have The more...
TOP BUMPER STICKER'S SEEN AROUND THE WORLD
1. Constipated People Don't Give A Shit.
2. Practice Safe Sex, Go Screw Yourself.
3. If You Drink Don't Park, Accidents Cause People.
4. Who Lit The Fuse On Your Tampon?
5. If You Don't Believe In Oral Sex, Keep Your Mouth Shut.
6. Please Tell Your Pants Its Not Polite To Point.
7. If That Phone Was Up Your Butt, Maybe You Could Drive A Little Better.
8. My Kid Got Your Honor Roll Student Pregnant.
9. Thank You For Pot Smoking.
10. To All You Virgins: Thanks For Nothing.
11. If At First You Don't Succeed...blame Someone Else And Seek Counseling.
12. Impotence: Nature's Way Of Saying "No Hard Feelings".
13. If You Can Read This, I've Lost My Trailer.
14. Horn Broken... Watch For Finger.
15. It's Not How You Pick Your Nose, But Where You Put The Booger.
16. If You're Not A Hemorrhoid, Get Off My Ass.
17. You're Just Jealous Because The Voices Are Talking To Me
18. more...
TOP BUMPER STICKER'S SEEN AROUND THE WORLD1. Constipated People Don't Give A Shit.2. Practice Safe Sex, Go Screw Yourself.3. If You Drink Don't Park, Accidents Cause People.4. Who Lit The Fuse On Your Tampon? 5. If You Don't Believe In Oral Sex, Keep Your Mouth Shut.6. Please Tell Your Pants Its Not Polite To Point.7. If That Phone Was Up Your Butt, Maybe You Could Drive A Little Better.8. My Kid Got Your Honor Roll Student Pregnant.9. Thank You For Pot Smoking.10. To All You Virgins: Thanks For Nothing.11. If At First You Don't Succeed...blame Someone Else And Seek Counseling.12. Impotence: Nature's Way Of Saying "No Hard Feelings".13. If You Can Read This, I've Lost My Trailer.14. Horn Broken... Watch For Finger.15. It's Not How You Pick Your Nose, But Where You Put The Booger.16. If You're Not A Hemorrhoid, Get Off My Ass.17. You're Just Jealous Because The Voices Are Talking To Me18. The Earth Is Full - Go Home19. I Have The Body Of A God... Buddha20. This Would Be more...
A short story...
In Ohio, an unidentified man in his late twenties walked into a police station with a 9-inch wire protruding from his forehead and calmly asked officers to give him an X-ray to help him find his brain, which he claimed had been stolen. Police were shocked to learn that the man had drilled a 6-inch deep hole in his skull with a Black Decker power drill and had stuck the wire in to try and find the missing brain.
Dumb Ohio Laws
# In Ohio, if you ignore an orator on Decoration day to such an extent as to publicly play croquet or pitch horseshoes within one mile of the speaker`s stand, you can be fined $25. 00.
# Women are prohibited from wearing patent leather shoes in public.
# It is illegal to fish for whales on Sunday.
# It is illegal to get a fish drunk.
# The Ohio driver`s education manual states that you must honk the horn whenever you pass another car.
# Participating or conducting a duel is prohibited.
# Breast feeding more...
Don't ya just love the holidays, when everyone is just so full of the spirit of the season and joy and good will towards men? As a plain old country boy now living in the big city, I wanted to share the warmth and joy I felt with all these nice city folk.
The other day I went to the local religious book store, to locate something to share with others, and while I couldn't find any with a Christmas theme, I saw a "Honk if You Love Jesus" bumper sticker. I bought it and put it on the back bumper of my car; tell y'all what, I'm really glad I did. What an uplifting experience followed.
I was stopped at a light at a busy intersection, just lost in thought about the upcoming Holidays and all, and didn't notice that the light had changed. That bumper sticker really worked! I easily found several people who loved Jesus. Why, the guy behind me started to honk like crazy. He must really love the Lord because, he leaned out his window and even yelled, "Jesus more...