Christ Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    A drunk stammers out of a bar and runs into two priests. He runs up to them and says, ''I'm Jesus Christ.''
    The first priest says, ''No, son, I'm Jesus Christ.''
    So the drunk says it to the second priest.
    The second priest replies, ''No, son, I'm Jesus Christ.''
    The drunk says, ''Look, I can prove it.'' and walks back into the bar with the priests.
    The bartender takes on look at the drunk and exclaims, ''Jesus Christ, you're here again?''

    At a Mass at which some young ladies were to take their finals vows to become nuns, the Bishop presiding noticed two Rabbis enter the church just before the service began. They insisted on sitting on the right side of the center aisle. The Bishop wondered why they had come, but he didn't have time to inquire before the Mass began.
    When it came time for the announcements, the Bishop's curiosity got the better of him. He welcomed the two Rabbis and asked why they had chosen to be present at this occasion where the young ladies were to become the "Brides of Christ".
    The elder of the Rabbis slowly rose to his feet and explained, "Family of the Groom."

    A young Jewish boy starts attending public school in a smalltown. The teacher of the one-room school decides to use herposition to try to influence the new student. She asks theclass, "Who was the greatest man that ever lived?" A girl raises her hand and says, "I think George Washingtonwas the greatest man that ever lived because he is the Fatherof our country." The teacher replies, "Well... that's a goodanswer, but that's not the answer I am looking for." Another young student raises his hand and says, "I thinkAbraham Lincoln was the greatest man that lived because hefreed the slaves and helped end the civil war.". .. "Well, that'sanother good answer, but that is not the one I was looking for." Then the new Jewish boy raises his hand and says, "I thinkJesus Christ was the greatest man that ever lived." Theteacher's mouth drops open in astonishment. "Yes!" she says,"that's the answer I was looking for." more...

    D y n a m i c D e i t y M a n a g e m e n t L t d .
    =========================================================
    Date :- 3rd May 0023
    TO:
    Messrs Matthew, Mark, Luke & John (Publishers).
    13a Sandy Wasteland Square,
    Just Next to the Pizza Hut,
    Judea.
    Dear Sirs,
    It is Mr. Christ's understanding that you are planning to write and
    publish a biography of him in the near future. Such a biography would, he
    is sure you would realise, be entirely unauthorised and if it were published
    in the form you suggest he would be forced to take the matter up with the
    highest authority.
    However he can fully understand your wish to write about his life
    and will sanction such a project a number of conditions:
    That the title of the book be 'The Holy Bible' and not as you
    propose, 'Hot and Salty - Our Sexy Savior's Saucy Story'.
    That you do not mention the name of his natural Father (Elvin
    Roxenby-Toke) who, for legal reasons, contests more...

    One day many years ago at a school in South London a teacher said to the class of 5-year-olds, "I`ll give $20 to the child who can tell me who was the most famous man who ever lived." An Irish boy put his hand up and said, "It was St. Patrick." The teacher said, "Sorry Alan, that`s not correct." Then a Scottish boy put his hand up and said, "It was St. Andrew." The teacher replied, "I`m sorry, Hamish, that`s not right either. Finally, a Gujarati boy raised his hand and said, "It was Jesus Christ." The teacher said, "That`s absolutely right, Jayant, come up here and I`ll give you the $20." As the teacher was giving Jayant his money, she said, "You know Jayant, since you are Gujarati, I was very surprised you said Jesus Christ." Jayant replied, "Yes, in my heart I knew it was Lord Krishna, but business is business

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