"A drunk stammers out" joke

A drunk stammers out of a bar and runs into two priests. He runs up to them and says, ''I'm Jesus Christ.''
The first priest says, ''No, son, I'm Jesus Christ.''
So the drunk says it to the second priest.
The second priest replies, ''No, son, I'm Jesus Christ.''
The drunk says, ''Look, I can prove it.'' and walks back into the bar with the priests.
The bartender takes on look at the drunk and exclaims, ''Jesus Christ, you're here again?''

Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, 'I think I've lost an electron.'
The other says 'Are you sure?'
The first says, 'Yes, I'm positive.'

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Why is santa claus always so happy?
He knows where all of the bad girls live!

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A lawyer and a blonde are sitting next to each other on a long flight from LA to NY. The lawyer leans over to her and asks if she would like to play a fun game. The blonde just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few more...

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An old married couple were driving down the road one day when suddenly the woman punched her husband right in the face. He shouted, "what the hell was that for?". She replied, "That was for 50 years of the worst sex I ever had!" As they continued down the more...

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Person 1: Knock, Knock
Person 2: Who's there?
Person 1: Cows go.
Person 2: Cows go who?
Person 1: No, silly! Cows go moo!

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