Homer Jokes / Recent Jokes
Oh, yeah, what are you gonna do? Release the dogs? Or the bees? Or the dogs with bees in their mouth and when they bark, they shoot bees at you?
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Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose... it's how drunk you get. ***
Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.
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It's not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but somehow I managed to fit in eight hours of TV a day.
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Homer: Are you saying you're never going to eat any animal again? What about bacon? Lisa: No. Homer: Ham? Lisa: No! Homer: Pork chops? Lisa: Dad, those all come from the same animal! Homer: Heh heh heh... ooh... yeah... right, Lisa. A wonderful... magical animal.
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Marge: Do you want your son to be Chief Justice of the Supreme Court, or a sleazy male stripper? Homer: Can't he be both, like the late Earl Warren? Marge: Earl Warren was never a stripper! Homer: Oh, now who's being more...
Knock Knock
Who's there!
Homer!
Homer who?
Homer hill, over dale, we will hit the dusty trail! Knock Knock
Who's there!
Homer!
Homer who?
Homer-again!
Homer: Boy, you don't have to follow in my footsteps. Bart: Don't worry, I don't even like using the bathroom after you. Homer: Why you little --!
Oh, yeah, what are you gonna do? Release the dogs? Or the bees? Or the dogs with bees in their mouth and when they bark, they shoot bees at you? ***** Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose. .. it's how drunk you get. ***** Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try. ***** It's not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but somehow I managed to fit in eight hours of TV a day. ***** Homer: Are you saying you're never going to eat any animal again? What about bacon? Lisa: No. Homer: Ham? Lisa: No! Homer: Pork chops? Lisa: Dad, those all come from the same animal! Homer: Heh heh heh... ooh... yeah... right, Lisa. A wonderful... magical animal. ***** Marge: Do you want your son to be Chief Justice of the Supreme Court, or a sleazy male stripper? Homer: Can't he be both, like the late Earl Warren? Marge: Earl Warren was never a stripper! Homer: Oh, now who's being naive? ***** Homer: But every time I more...
A young man was pulled over by the Louisiana state police for speeding. The officer stepped out of his patrol car, adjusted his sunglasses, and swaggered up to the young man`s window. "What chew driving so fast for son? You going to a fahr?. Let me see your license, boy."
The young man handed over his license. Then the officer noticed that the back seat of his car was full of large knives.
The officer said, "Tell me boy, why you got them knives on that there back seat?"
The young man replied, "Well sir, I`m a juggler."
The officer spat some tobacco juice and then he said, "A juggler; well you don`t say. Boy, put cha hands on the trunk of yer car; you going to jail!"
The young man pleaded with the officer not to take him to jail. He offered to prove to the officer that he was a juggler by way of demonstration. He said, "You can even hold me at gunpoint while I juggle for you." The officer reluctantly allowed him more...
One of the fringe benefits of being an English or History teacher is receiving the occasional jewel of a student blooper in an essay. I have pasted together the following "history" of the world from certfiably genuine student bloopers collected by teachers throughout the United States, from eighth grade through college level. Read carefully, and you will learn a lot.
The inhabitants of Egypt were called mummies and they all wrote in hydraulics. They lived in the Sarah Dessert and traveled by Camelot. The climate of the Sarah is such that the inhabitants have to live elsewhere, so certain areas of the dessert are cultivated by irritation. The Egyptians built the Pyramids in the shape of a huge triangular cube. The Pyramids are a range of mountains between France and Spain.
The Bible is full of interesting caricatures. In the first book of the Bible, Guinesses, Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. One of their children, Cain, asked "Am I my more...