Homer Jokes / Recent Jokes
I was a& big fan of the Simpson’s, can you believe how long the show has been around? Everyone has their favorite characters, but mine is definately Homer. This guy says the funniest (and often completely true) things. Here is a list of the all time best Homer Simpson quotes ever
A young farmer is newly married and the couple can't get enough of it. Just before leaving the house for the fields at down they tear off a piece and when he returns home at evening they have another go before and after supper and maybe a couple more during the night. The problem is during the day: the fields are a long way from the house and the young man loses so much time traveling home and back again at noon that he decides to consult a friend (the town's doctor) about what to do.
'Easiest thing in the world, Homer' says the doctor.' You take your rifle out with you every day don't you? Well when you feel like you're in the mood for some lovin' just fire a shot into the air as a signal to your wife for her to come out to you. That way you won't lose any workin' time.'
Homer tries this and it seems to work pretty good for a while. One day though the doctor stops by the house to pay a visit and he notices Homer sitting alone inside looking very more...
Homer: Boy, you don't have to follow in my footsteps.Bart: Don't worry, I don't even like using the bathroom after you.Homer: Why you little - !
A young farmer couple got married, and they just couldn't seem to get enough
lovin'. Just before leaving the house for the fields at dawn, they made love,
and when the husband returned home at evening they had another go - both before
and after supper, and then again a few more times during the night.
The problems only happened during the day. The fields were far away from the
house and the young man lost half an hour each time traveling home and back
again at noon. Finally he decided to consult a friend, the town's doctor, about
what to do.
"Easiest thing in the world, Homer" said the doctor. "You take your rifle out
with you every day, don't you? Well, when you feel like you're in the mood for
some lovin', just fire a shot into the air as a signal to your wife, for her to
come out to you. That way you won't lose any workin' time."
Homer tried his friend's solution and it seemed to work pretty well for a more...
A young farmer couple got married, and they just couldn't seem to get enough lovin'. Just before leaving the house for the fields at dawn, they made love, and when the husband returned home at evening they had another go - both before and after supper, and then again a few more times during the night.
The problems only happened during the day. The fields were far away from the house and the young man lost half an hour each time traveling home and back again at noon. Finally he decided to consult a friend, the town's doctor, about what to do.
"Easiest thing in the world, Homer" said the doctor. "You take your rifle out with you every day don't you? Well, when you feel like you're in the mood for some lovin', just fire a shot into the air as a signal to your wife, for her to come out to you. That way you won't lose any workin' time."
Homer tried his friend's solution and it seemed to work pretty well for a while. One day though, the doctor stopped by the more...
Here's a lame one....What is Homer Simpson's favorite ice cream? Chocolate-chip cookie DOH!
Feeling lost and adrift? Gain inner peace by learning the way of the Homer Simpson...
Here are some Homeric jewels to live by:
"The answers to life's problems aren't at the bottom of the bottle. They're on TV.
"What's the point of going out? We're just going to end up back here anyway."
"Trying is the first step toward failure."
"You can't keep blaming yourself. Just blame yourself once and move on."
"Doughnuts. Is there anything they can't do?"
"The three little sentences that will get you through life. No. 1: Cover for me. No. 2: Oh, good idea, boss. No. 3: It was like that when I got here.