Headline Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    A preacher wanted to raise money for his church,
    and being told there was a fortune in horse
    racing, he decided to purchase a horse and enter
    it in the races. However, at the local auction,
    the going price for horses was so high that the
    preacher settled on a donkey instead. The preacher
    figured, since he bought the animal, he might as
    well race it. To his great surprise, the donkey
    did quite well and came in third place. The next
    day, the racing sheets carried this headline: Preacher Shows AssThe preacher was so pleased with the donkey that
    he entered it in the races again, and this time
    the animal won first place. The paper said: Preacher's Ass Out In FrontThe Bishop was so upset with this kind of
    publicity that he ordered the preacher not to
    enter the donkey in any more races. The newspaper
    printed this headline: Bishop Scratches Preacher's AssThis was too much for the Bishop and he ordered
    the preacher to get rid of the more...

    The editor of a small weekly newspaper, in a rage over several government bills that had recently been passed, ran a scathing editorial under the headline: "half of OUR LEGISLATORS ARE CROOKS." Many prominent local politicians were outraged, and tremendous pressure was exerted on him to retract the statement. He finally succumbed to the pressure and ran an apology with the headline: "HALF OF OUR LEGISLATORS ARE NOT CROOKS."

    Headline: "Half of U.S. High Schools Require Some Study for Graduation"

    A fellow from Boston was in Atlanta GA visiting family. One day he decided to take a walk around the area where his relatives lived to enjoy their fine, comfortable Southern way of life - something he was not accustomed to in the northeast.
    While he was walking he happened upon a pit bull attacking a small child. His instincts took over, and he ran to the child's aid by grabbing the dog, and choking it to death.
    As the dead animal lay at his feet, a man came running over from the other side of the street. He announced that he was the star reporter for Atlanta newspaper, and he would make the rescuer famous: "ATLANTA MAN SAVES CHILD FROM GRUESOME DEATH," to headline on page 1.
    The would-be savior explained that it was very nice, but he was from Boston, not Atlanta. The next day he read the headline: "YANKEE BASTARD KILLS FAMILY PET."

    Two boys are playing football in a vacant lot when one of the boys is attacked by a rabid Rottweiler. Thinking quickly, the first little boy rips a board off a nearby fence, wedges it down the dog`s collar, and twists, breaking the dog`s neck and killing him instantly.
    A reporter, who happens to be strolling nearby, sees the incident and rushes over to interview the boy. "That was the most incredible act of bravery I`ve ever seen!" the reporter exclaims. He whips out his notebook and furiously scribbles the headline: "Young Bama Fan Saves Friend From Vicious Animal!"
    The little hero sees this and says, "But sir, I`m not a Bama Fan, I`m an Auburn Fan!"
    The reporter looks warily at the boy for a moment, then flips the page and begins a new headline: "Little Redneck Kills Beloved Family Pet"

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