Happen Jokes / Recent Jokes

Jack decided to go skiing with his buddy, Bob. They loaded up Jack's station-wagon and headed north. After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard. They pulled into a nearby farmhouse and asked the attractive lady of the house if they could spend the night.
"I'm recently widowed," she explained, "and I'm afraid the neighbors will talk if I let you stay in my house."
"Not to worry," Jack said, "we'll be happy to sleep in the barn."
Nine months later, Jack got a letter from the widow's attorney. He called up his friend Bob and said, "Bob, do you remember that good-looking widow at the farm we stayed at?"
"Yes, I do."
"Did you happen to get up in the middle of the night, go up to the house and have sex with her?"
"Yes, I have to admit that I did."
"Did you happen to use my name instead of telling her your name?"
Bob's face turns red and he more...

What would happen if pigs went on strike? Theyd form pigget lines.

A woman goes to her doctor and complains that she can't get her husband to have sex with her anymore. The doctor explains that there's a new drug called Viagra that might do the trick. He tells her to give her husband one pill that night and come back the following day to let him know if it helped.
The next day the woman returns to the doctor's office and happily tells him that the Viagra worked. She and her husband had the best sex in a long time. She asks the doctor what would happen if she gave her husband two pills that night. The doctor tells her he isn't sure, but to go ahead and give it a try.
The following day, the woman returns to the doctor even happier than the day before. She tells him that the sex was even better than the night before and asks what would happen if she gave him six pills. The doctor says he's not sure, but to go ahead and give it a try.
The next day the woman goes back to the doctor, walking a little awkwardly but ecstatic. She tells him that more...

Opportunity always knocks at the least opportune moment.
Other people's tools work only in other people's gardens.
Others will look to you for stability, so hide when you bite your nails.
Our present business is not to exchange compliments but arguments. - Robert Boyle, 17th century chemist
People can be divided into three groups: Those who make things happen, those who watch things happen, and those who wonder what happened.
People do not change, they only become more so.
People don't care how much you know until they know how much you care.
People specialize in their area of greatest weakness.
People tend to make rules for others and exceptions for themselves.
People who are resistant to change cannot resist change for the worse.

Two guys, John and Jake, are training the art of parachutism.
At 12 000 feet, they jump out of the plane. By pulling the yellow cord, the parachute should unfold.
This does happen to John. Gently he floats in the air. Unfortunately this doesn't happen to Jake, no matter how hard he pulls the yellow string, nothing happens. He's fallen straight down to earth.
John shouts to him: "Don't make a fuss of it, it's just a practice jump!"

Taoism: shit happens.
Hare Krishna: shit happens rama rama ding ding.
Hinduism: this shit happened before.
Islam: if shit happens, take a hostage.
Zen: what is the sound of shit happening?
Buddhism: when shit happens, is it really shit?
Confucianism: confucius say: "shit happens".
7th Day Adventist: shit happens on saturdays.
Protestantism: shit won't happen if I work harder.
Catholicism: if shit happens, I deserve it.
Jehovah's Witness: knock, knock: "shit happens".
Unitarian: what is shit?.
Mormon: shit happens again & again & again
Judaism: why does this shit always happen to me?

Jack decided to go skiing with his buddy, Bob. They loaded up Jack's station wagon and headed north. After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard. They pulled into a nearby farm house and asked the attractive lady of the house if they could spend the night.

"I'm recently widowed," she explained, "and I'm afraid the neighbors will talk if I let you stay in my house."

"Not to worry," Jack said, "we'll be happy to sleep in the barn."

Nine months later, Jack got a letter from the widow's attorney. He called up his friend Bob and said, "Bob, do you remember that good-looking widow at the farm where we stayed?"

"Yes, I do."

"Did you happen to get up in the middle of the night, go up to the house and make love to her?"

"Yes, I have to admit that I did."

"Did you happen to use my name instead of telling her more...