Hallmark Jokes

ACURA
Another Crummy, Useless, Rotten Automobile
Asia's Curse Upon Rural America
AMC
All Makes Combined
A Major Cost
A Mutated Car
A Morons Car
Another Major Catastrophe
AUDI
Awfully Unsafe Designs Implemented
Accelerates Under Demonic Influence
Automobile Under Demonic Influence
Another Ugly Deutsche Invention
Always Undermining Deutsche Intelligence
Automobile Unsafe Designs, Inc.
BMW
Big Money Works
Bought My Wife
Brutal Money Waster
Break My Window
Break My Windshield
Babbling Mechanical Wench
Beastly Monstrous Wonder
Beautiful Masterpieces on Wheels
Beautiful Mechanical Wonder
Barely Moving Wreck
Big Money Waste
Big Money. Why?
Big Money Works
Born Moderately Wealthy
Breaks Most Wrenches
Bring More Wrenches
Brings Me Women
Brings More Women
Broken Money Waster
Broke My Wallet
Broken Monstrous Wonder
Bumbling Mechanical more...

Hallmark Card: "Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad!!" (available only in Arkansas).

Hallmark Card: "Congratulations on your promotion! Before you go, would you like to take this knife out of my back? You'll probably need it again."

Cards That You Won't Find At Hallmark -
"Looking back over the years that we've been together, I can't help but wonder: What was I thinking?"
"Congratulations on your wedding day! Too bad no one likes your wife."
"How could two people as beautiful as you have such an ugly baby?"
"I've always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love. After having met you, I've changed my mind."
"I must admit, you brought religion into my life. I never believed in Hell until I met you."
"As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am that you're not here to ruin it for me."
"As you grow older, Mum, I think of all the gifts you've given me. Like the need for therapy..."
"Thanks for being a part of my life! I never knew what evil was before this!"
"Before you go, I would like you to take this knife out of my back. You'll probably need it again."
"Someday I hope to get more...

Hallmark Card: "As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am that you're not here to ruin it for me."