Gun Jokes / Recent Jokes
A circus owner runs an ad for a lion tamer and two young people show up. One is a good looking guy in his mid-twenties and the other is a gorgeous blonde about the same age. The circus owner tells them, "I'm going to sugar coat it. This is one ferocious lion. He ate my last tamer so you better be good or you're history. Here is your equipment - a chair, a whip and a gun. Who wants to try out first?" The girl says, "I'll go first. She walk past the chair, the whip and the gun and steps right into the lion's cage. The lion starts to snarl and pant and begin to charge at her, so she throw open her coat revealing her beautiful naked body. The lion stops dead in his tracks, sheepishly crawls up to her and start licking her ankles. He continues to lick her calves, kisses them, and then rests his head at her feet. The circus owner's mouth is on the floor. He remarks, "I've never seen a display like that in my life." He then turn to the young man and asks, "Can more...
FIRST DEGREE
A married couple was asleep when the phone rang at 2 in
the morning. The wife (undoubtedly blonde), picked up the phone, listened a moment and said, “How should I know, that’s 200 miles from here! ” and hung up. The husband said, “Who was that? ” The wife said, “I don’t know, some woman wanting to know if the coast is clear. ”
SECOND DEGREE
Two blondes are walking down the street. One notices a compact on the sidewalk and leans down to pick it up. She opens it, looks in the mirror and says, “Hmm, this person looks familiar. ” The second blonde says, Here, let me see! ” So the first blonde hands her the compact. The
second one looks in the mirror and says, “You dummy, it’s me! ”
THIRD DEGREE
A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens the door she finds him in the arms of a redhead. Well, the blonde is really more...
The CIA had an opening for an assassin. After all of the background checks, interviews, and testing were done there were three finalists, two men and a woman. For the final test, the CIA agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun.' We must know that you will follow your instructions, no matter what the circumstances. Inside this room, you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Kill her!' The man said,' You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife.' The agent said,' Then you're not the right man for this job.' The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about five minutes. Then the man came out with tears in his eyes.' I tried, but I can't kill my wife.' The agent said,' You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and go home.' Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the same instructions to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one shot after more...
Gun Exchange programs would work great if they gave you a gun when you handed in a criminal!
There was this family who lived in the country, and the father took his boy out shooting. When they came back later that day the father put his BB gun on the top of the stove and hurried to the bathroom.
He set it down so fast and hard that it opened and the BB's from the gun went right into mother's spagetti sauce. She had seen the BB's and just figured that they couldn't hurt anyone, so she just served dinner anyways.
Later that night the little girl ran down stairs saying, "mommy mommy I just peed BB's! Well did it hurt you said the mom. No said the girl. Ok then don; t worry it will go away.
Then the little boy runs down stairs, "mommy mommy I just peed BB's! Well did it hurt she says? No says the boy. Ok then don't worry about it, it will go away.
Later that night the father rushes down the stairs with his pants down - "honey, honey, I was just up stairs jacking off and I shot the dog!"
1. How do you kill a blue elephant? With a blue elephant gun. 2. How do you kill a pink elephant? Twist his nose until he turns blue and then use the blue elephant gun.