Gross Jokes / Recent Jokes
What's gross?
Two vampires fighting over a bloody tampon.
What's grosser than that?
Finding a used condom on the bottom of a mayonnaise jar.
What's grosser than that?
When you open the refigerator and the rump rost farts in your face.
You want to know what's grosser than that?
When you sit on your grandpa's lap and he pops a boner.
But the one thing that is grosser than that is when you are siting on your grandma's lap and she pops a boner.
One day Pablo and Paco are riding through the desert on their horses. As they ride along, Pablo smells something horrible. He stops his horse and turns around.
He says "Hey Paco, you shit your pants?"
Paco says "No, Pablo, I did not shit my pants."
He believes him and they keep riding. As they go on, the smell gets worse. The smell is so bad, flys begin to swarm. Pablo stops his horse and turns around.
He then says "Paco, Are you sure you did not shit your pants?"
Paco says "Yes Pablo, I am sure I did not shit my pants."
He says "Ok."
They keep going and now the smell is getting to be unbearable. Pablo is swatting the flys away. Pablo stops his horse and gets of his horse.
He then says "Paco, get of your horse. Paco, pull down your pants.
Paco, I thought you said you did not shit your pants?"
Paco replies "I thought you meant today!"
One day a twelve year old walks into a bordello dragging a dead frog on a string behind him, slaps a hundred dollar bill on the counter and says, "I want one of your women."
The madam looks at him and says, "Don't you think you're a bit young for that?"
He slaps another hundred on the counter and says, "I want one of your women."
The madam says, "Okay, have a seat, she'll be down in about thirty minutes."
He slaps another hundred on the counter and says, "She has to have active herpes."
The madam starts to sputter and ask why, but he slaps another hundred on the counter and says, "Active herpes."
She responds, "Okay, have a seat - it'll be about five minutes."
Two minutes later, a woman comes out, and they go upstairs (dragging this dead frog) and do their deal... As he's leaving, the madam asks him, "Okay, why did you want someone with active herpes?"
The twelve year old more...
A pianist was hired to play background music for a movie. When it was completed he asked when and where he could see the picture. The producer sheepishly confessed that it was actually a porno film and it was due out in a month. A month later, the musician went to a porno theater to see it. With his collar up and dark glasses on, he took a seat in the back row, next to a couple who also seemed to be in disguise.
The movie was even raunchier than he had feared, featuring group sex, S/M and even a dog. After a while, the embarrassed pianist turned to the couple and said, "I'm only here to listen to the music."
"Yeah?" replied the man. "We're only here to see our dog."
A man walked into a hotel and asked for a room. The guy behind the counter said there is only one room left but it is haunted. The man does not believe this so he gets the room. That night the man hears a voice saying "I'm gonna find you, I'm gonna get you, I'm gonna eat you!" The man runs away scared.
The next day a father and his daughter get the room after they were warned. That night they hear "I'm gonna find you, I'm gonna get you, I'm gonna eat you!" The girl hides under the bed as the father follows the sound to the closet. He opens the door.
There on the floor sits a little boy, picking his nose, saying "I'm gonna find you, I'm gonna get you, I'm gonna eat you!"
A man walks into the bathroom and discovers next to him at the urinal a little dude. Out of the corner of his eye he notices the size of the little guys... shlong. So the guy says, "How did you get such a large dick?"
"Well, I'm a leprechaun."
"What?" the guy says.
"Yep, you heard me."
As the man turns to walk away he thinks, "Man that's a big dick" So he turns to the little dude and says "what do i have to do to get a dick like that?"
"You don't want to know"
"Tell me I want to know." the man says.
"Well, take your pants down and let me fuck you in the ass."
The guy says, "No way in hell." As he walks out he considers the leprechaun's deal and decides that he really wants a big dick so he went back.
As the little dude was fucking him in the ass he asked, "How old are you?"
"30" the man replied.
"And you still believe more...