Google Jokes / Recent Jokes
Google Products We'll Never See
11. Google Hitman Assistant - Find, schedule, and collect on all your assassinations with this suite of products.
10. Googlearchy - Tired of democracy? Install the government that everyone loves without annoying pop-up ads.
9. Google Smite - An extension of Google Earth uses laser beams attached to the satellites to exact revenge or just have some fun for paid subscribers.
8. Google Carnage - Use real-time satellite images to zoom in and see car, train, or plane crashes and other disasters.
7. Google Ogle - The hottest unsecured webcams on the Internet.
6. Googlebator - Used with Google Ogle, it's our first attempt at hardware.
5. Google Alibi - Paid service that will provide you with a credible account for your whereabouts.
4. Google Telegraph - Dash-Dot, Dash-Dash-Dash, Dash.
3. Google Gaggle - The only search engine for geese.
2. Google Invading Force - Some pesky third world country got you down? Send in the more...
Match the Google search from the top list with the correct number of search results from the bottom list.
1) "Tom Cruise is Gay"
2) "Tina Yothers"
3) "Mr. Roper"
4) "Mr. Roper" & "Puff Daddy"
5) "Smelly Vagina"
6) "Smelly Vagina" & "Mrs. Roper"
7) "Richard Gere" & Gerbil
a) 83,900
b) 0
c) 16,800
d) 11,400
e) 12
f) 59,500
g) 1,050,000
h) 32,400
i) 741
*Search results as of August 15, 2006, 6:40 EDT
Answers: 1)c 2)a 3)f 4)e 5)d 6)b 7)h
This is how you know if you are addicted to the internet:
1) You kiss you girlfriend's home page.
2.) Your bookmarks list takes 15 minutes to scroll from top to bottom.
3.) Your eyeglasses have a web site burned into them.
4.) You find yourself brainstorming for new subjects to Google.
5.) You refuse to go to a vacation spot with no electricity and no phone lines.
6.) You finally do take that vacation, but only after buying a cellular modem and a laptop.
7.) You spend half of the plane trip with your laptop on your lap, and your kid in the overhead compartment.
8.) Your dreams are in HTML.
9.) You find yourself typing ".com" after every period when using a word processor.
10.) You turn your computer off and get this awful empty feeling, like you just pulled the plug of your loved one.
11.) You refer to going to the bathroom as downloading.
12.) You start introducing yourself as "Jim at I-I-Net dot net dot au"
13.) more...
For each Google search, choose the correct number of returned search results.*
1. "Suri Cruise" & "Looks Asian"
a). 14,700
b). 79
c). 470
2. "Suri Cruise" & "Slanty Eyes"
a). 0
b). 3
c). 15
3. "Mel Gibson was right"
a). 32
b). 1,220
c). 511
4. "John Mark Karr" & "Boyishly Sexy"
a). 0
b). 14
c). 19,000
5. "Jessica Simpson" & "John Mayer"
a). 4,470,000
b). 1,410,000
c). 9,650,000
6. "Jessica Simpson" & "Mahmoud Ahmadinejad"
a). 19,100
b). 292,000
c). 909
7. "Mahmoud Ahmadinejad" & "Repressed Homosexual"
a). 43
b). 504
c). 838
*search results as of September 14, 2006, 2:35 PM EDT
Answers: 1)c 2)c 3)b 4)a 5)b 6)a 7)a
For each pair of Google searches choose the one that returns the greater number of search results*:
1) a. "Coke is It" b. "Catch that Pepsi Spirit"
2) a. "Chevrolet Citation" b. "Cadillac Cimarron"
3) a. "I loved Mama's Family" b. "Mama's Family sucked"
4) a. "Reagan" & "Tear down that wall" b. "Ringwald" & "Anthony Michael Hall"
5) a. "Beat it, just beat it" b. "Eat it, just eat it"
6) a. "Mr. Hand" & "What are you people on, dope?" b. "Damone" & "I come here for the strudel"
7) a. "Mr. Mom" b. "Mr. Mister"
*search results as of August 28, 2006, 6:40 EDT
answers: 1)a 2)a 3)a 4)b 5)b 6)a 7)b
Confused employees did a search for 911 before realizing they had to use the telephone.