Golfing Jokes / Recent Jokes

A young man who was also an avid golfer found himself with a few hours to spare one afternoon. He figured if he hurried and played very fast, he could get in nine holes before he had to head home. Just as he was about to tee off an old gentleman shuffled onto the tee and asked if he could accompany the young man as he was golfing alone. Not being able to say no, he allowed the old gent to join him. To his surprise the old man played fairly quickly. He didn't hit the ball far, but plodded along consistently and didn't waste much time. Finally, they reached the 9th fairway and the young man found himself with a tough shot. There was a large pine tree right in front of his ball - and directly between his ball and the green. After several minutes of debating how to hit the shot the old man finally said, "You know, when I was your age I'd hit the ball right over that tree." With that challenge placed before him, the youngster swung hard, hit the ball up, right smack into the top more...

Mrs Goldstein’s golfing special
Mrs Goldstein was out golfing one day when she hit her ball into the woods. She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap. The frog looked up at her and said, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you three wishes."
Not a person to miss a trick, Mrs Goldstein immediately freed the frog. The frog thanked her and said "I’m sorry but I failed to mention that there is a condition to your wishes -- that whatever you wish for yourself, Mr Goldstein will get ten times more or better!"
Mrs Goldstein replied, "That’s OK – I’m happy to accept your condition. For my first wish, I want to be the most beautiful woman in the world.” The frog warned her, "You do realise that this wish will also make Mr Goldstein the most handsome man in the world, women will flock to him like bees to honey."
Mrs Goldstein replied, "It’s not a problem, because I will be the most more...

Jesus and Saint Peter are golfing. St. Peter steps up to the tee on a par three and hits one long and straight. It reaches the green.
Jesus is up next. He slices it. It heads over the fence into traffic on an adjacent street. Bounces off a truck, onto the roof of a nearby shack and into the rain gutter, down the drain spout and onto a lilly pad at the edge of a lake. A frog jumps up and snatches the ball in his mouth. An eagle swoops down, grabs the frog. As the eagle flies over the green, the frog croaks and drops the ball. It’s in the hole.
Saint Peter looks at Jesus, exasperated. "Are you gonna play golf?" he asks "Or are you just gonna fuck around?"

One day, Jim and Bob are out golfing. Jim slices his ball deep into a wooded ravine. He grabs his 8-iron and proceeds down the embankment into the ravine in search of his ball.

The brush is quite thick, but Jim searches diligently and suddenly he spots something shiny. As he gets closer, he realizes that the shiny object is in fact an 8-iron in the hands of a skeleton lying near an old golf ball.

Jim calls out to his golfing partner in excitement, "Hey Bob, come here, I got trouble down here."

Bob comes running over to the edge of the ravine and calls out, "What's the matter Jim?"

Jim shouts back in a nervous voice, "Throw me my 7-iron... You can't get out of here with an 8-iron!"

Three guys are golfing with the club pro. The first guy tees off and hits a dribbler about 60 yards. He turns to the pro and asks, "What did I do wrong?"
The pro says, "Loft."
The next guy tees off and hits a duck hook into the woods.
He asks the pro, "What did I do wrong?"
The pro says, "Loft."
The third guy tees off and hits a slice into the pond.
He asks the pro, "What did I do wrong?"
The pro again said, "Loft."
As they are walking to their balls, the first guy finally speaks up and asks the pro, "The three of us hit completely different tee shots and when we asked you what we did wrong you gave the same answer each time.
"What is loft?"
The pro said, "Lack of fu**ing talent."

Every Saturday morning an avid golfer gets up early to catch his morning tee time and spend the better part of his day playing golf.
One Saturday morning, as is his schedule, he gets up early, eats a quick breakfast and heads out to the course. The weather is terrible; there’s a torrential downpour with snow mixing in and a 50 mph wind.
Defeated, he packs it in early and decides to return home, deciding he can go back out later if the weather improves. He comes back into the house and turns on the TV to the weather channel, which informs him it’s only going to get worse. He puts his clubs back into the closet, quietly undresses, then slips back into bed with his wife. “The weather out there is terrible, ” he whispers.
“Yeah, ” she replies, “can you believe my stupid husband is out golfing? ”

There was this preacher who was an avid golfer. Every chance he could get, he could be found on the golf course swinging away. It was an obsession. One Sunday was a picture perfect day for golfing. The sun was out, no clouds in the sky, and the temperature was just right.

The preacher was in a quandary as to what to do, and shortly, the urge to play golf overcame him. He called an assistant to tell him that he was sick and could not do church, packed the car up, and drove three hours to a golf course where no one would recognize him. Happily, he began to play the course.

An angel up above was watching the preacher and was quite perturbed. He went to God and said, "Look at the preacher. He should be punished for what he is doing."

God nodded in agreement. The preacher teed up on the first hole. He swung at the ball, and it sailed effortlessly through the air and landed right in the cup three hundred and fifty yards away. A picture perfect more...