Girlfriend Jokes / Recent Jokes

Wee Hughie adored and loved his girlfriend, Lorraine, to whom he was engaged to be married. Wedding plans were well underway and he was looking forward to spending the rest of his lfe with Lorraine.However, a beutiful young lady, called Clearly, came to work in his glen and they found that they got on together very well and as time went by, Wee Hughie realised that he was in love with Clearly and that the Love was reciprocated.Being a gentleman he decided that as he had promised to marry Lorraine he would do so and steadily removed himself from his other relationship.One day, he and Lorraine were walking along the banks of the River Tay. As they walked, Lorraine slipped and fell into the river and was swept away and drowned.He stood on the bank for a few minutes feeling very sad before walking away singing happily.And this is what he sang."I can see Clearly now Lorraine has gone"

After directory assistance gave me my boyfriend's new telephone number, I dialed him -- and got a woman. "Is Mike there?" I asked. "He's in the shower," she responded. "Please tell him his girlfriend called," I said and hung up. When he didn't return the call, I dialed again. This time a man answered. "This is Mike," he said. "You're not my boyfriend!" I exclaimed. "I know," he replied. "That's what I've been trying to tell my wife for the past half-hour."

A farmer and his girlfriend were out for a strollin the fields when they came across a cow and acalf rubbing noses." Boy," said the farmer, "that sure makes me want todo the same." "Well, go ahead," said his girlfriend. "It's your cow."

There's this guy named Jack, and he has a girlfriend named Wendy. Jack
loves Wendy a lot, and decides to ask her to marry him. And to prove
how
much he loves her, he goes and gets "Wendy" tattooed on his penis, to
show
her how much that he loves her. When it's erect, is says her name, and
when
deflated, it reads "Wy"
So, there doing it the next night, and when she sees her name on his
masculine member, he pops the question, and she accepts.
They decide to go to Jamaica for their honeymoon. Once down there, they
decided to try out all of the local culture, including a nude beach.
So,
they go to the beach, and are having a great time, when Jack decides to
get
up from sunbathing and go and get something to drink at the bar down the
beach.
So, he walks over to the bar, with his deflated muscle, trying not to
let
his eye wander, hence embarrassment to himself. He orders a more...

A young married woman was discussing her sex life with a girlfriend. The girlfriend asked, "Do you talk to your husband when you're making love ?" She thought about it a minute then said, "Well, no. But I could. I mean he has a cell phone and all now."

One day Pinocchio came to Gepetto with a problem.
"Every time I have sex with my girlfriend, she gets splinters. What can I do about this?"
"Have you tried sandpaper?" Pinocchio hadn't, so he went to try it.
"Pinnochio," said Gepetto a few weeks later. "How is the problem work out with your
"Girlfriend?" said Pinnochio. "Who needs a girlfriend when you have sandpaper?"

Sams girlfriends birthday was the same day as his fathers. He bought his girlfriend a bottle of perfume and his father a pistol. He wrapped the perfume and wrote a note to his girlfriend, saying, Use this all over yourself and think of me. Unfortunately he put the note on his fathers present.