Gift Jokes / Recent Jokes

Searching for the perfect gift for his dear wife who loved animals and birds in particular, a man dropped in to the local pet shop to see if he could come up with an idea. The pet store manager told the man, "I have just the thing you're looking for, a bird named Chet".
Impressed with the look of the bird as the manager pointed out "Chet" on the near by perch, the man was even more intrigued when the manager pointed out that "Chet" could sing Christmas Carols.
Approaching the bird "Chet", the manager took out his lighter and said "Yes, just listen." As the manager lit his lighter and moved it gently below Chets right foot the bird immediately broke into "Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle all..." but then, when the manager moved the lighter below Chet's left foot, the bird switched to "I'm Dreaming of a White Christmas, just like the one's...".
Astonishment was the only way to describe the husband's more...

There is this (choose your favorite ethnic) man. He goes to a toy shop, to buy, a gift for his daughter...
He looks at a toy car: "How muj iz dis?"
"$100 " answers the clerk.
He thinks its too much.
He looks at a ball: "How muj iz dis?"
"$5" answers the clerk.
He thinks its too little.
Then, he finds the perfect thing, a doll. He again asks: "How muj iz dis?"
"$30" answers the clerk.
He is happy, just the right amount of money he wants to spend.
So, He pays for the doll, and he starts to leave. Before he leaves, he remembers he wanted the doll to be gift wrapped.
So he asks the clerk: "Can u rape it phor me?"

Trying to make up for bad behavior, Bill Clinton went to the shopping mall to buy Hillary a gift. "I'd like to buy some gloves for my wife," he says eyeing the attractive salesgirl, "but I don't know her size." "Will this help?" she asked sweetly, placing her hand in his. "Oh, yes," he answered. "Her hands are just slightly smaller than yours." "Will there be anything else?" the salesgirl inquired, as she wrapped the gloves. "Now that you mention it," Bill replied, "she also needs a bra and panties."

If you’re like me, you’re a dodo when it comes to gifts. Not only shopping for gifts, but also trying to determine what you want as a birthday or Christmas goodie.

So imagine my surprise when I received the following e-mail. The subject line was:

“Jack Rabbit Vibrator Sex Toy FHd9hSHIdlh4uhGrTRCgq46c74CUayRAAAcpRcsqcIArb0BazCzw”

Okay, that last word might have been the result of the jack rabbit hopping all over the keyboard. Those things happen...sometimes.

But when I opened the e-mail, I found this killer sales pitch:

“Guys if y0u love your girls you have to try it;)

Girls if y0u love your boy you need to try it;)”

Hey, this solves all of my gift problems -- this works for the girls and guys I know (segregating your shopping based on gender can become time-consuming, I think).

Now I thank one [email protected] for sending this info my way. I looked up foo-bar.org and it is a tech site for “free more...

A young man wanted to purchase a gift for his new sweetheart's birthday, and as they had not been dating very long, after careful consideration he decided a pair of gloves would strike just the right note: romantic, but not too personal.
Accompanied by his sweetheart's younger sister, he went to Nordstrom's and bought a pair of white gloves. The sister purchased a pair of panties for herself. During the wrapping the clerk mixed up the items and the sister got the gloves and the sweetheart got the panties. Without checking the contents, the young man sealed the package and sent it to his sweetheart along with this note:
I chose these because I noticed that you are not in the habit of wearing any when we go out in the evening. If it had not been for your sister I would have chosen the long ones with the buttons, but she wears the short ones that are easier to remove. These are a delicate shade, but the lady I bought them from showed me the pair she had been wearing for the past more...

This guy sees a sign in front of a house "Talking Dog for Sale." He rings the bell and the owner tells him the dog is in the back yard. The guy goes into the back yard and sees a mutt sitting there."You talk?" he asks."Yep," the mutt replies."So, what's your story?"The mutt looks up and says, "Well, I discovered this gift pretty young and I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA about my gift, and in no time they had me
jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, cause no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies eight years running."The jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger and I wanted to settle down. So I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security work, mostly wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings there and was awarded a batch of more...

A young man wanted to purchase a gift for his new sweetheart's birthday, and as they had not been dating very long, after careful consideration he decided a pair of gloves would strike just the right note: romantic, but not too personal. Accompanied by his sweetheart's younger sister, he went to Nordstrom's and bought a pair of white gloves. The sister purchased a pair of panties for herself. During the wrapping the clerk mixed up the items and the sister got the gloves and the sweetheart got the panties. Without checking the contents, the young man sealed the package and sent it to his sweetheart along with this note:I chose these because I noticed that you are not in the habit of wearing any when we go out in the evening. If it had not been for your sister I would have chosen the long ones with the buttons, but she wears the short ones that are easier to remove. These are a delicate shade, but the lady I bought them from showed me the pair she had been wearing for the past three more...