Genie Jokes / Recent Jokes

A man has spent many days crossing the desert without water. His camel dies of thirst. He's crawling through the sands, certain that he has breathed his last, when he suddenly sees an object sticking out of the sand several yards ahead of him.
He crawls to the object, pulls it out of the sand, and discovers what looks to be an old briefcase. He opens it and out pops a genie. But this is no ordinary genie. He's wearing an IRS ID badge and dull gray suit. There's a calculator in his pocket and a pencil tucked behind one ear.
"Well, kid," says the genie. "You know how it works. You have three wishes."
"I'm not falling for this," says the man. "I'm not going to trust an IRS auditor."
"What do you have to lose!? You don't have any transportation, and it looks like you're a goner anyway!" replies the genie.
The man thinks about this for a minute and decides that the genie is right. "OK, I wish I were in a lush oasis more...

A golfer, encountering a genie, was granted one wish. The man thought a while and said, "Well, I've always been embarrassed by being rather small, if you know what I mean; could you make me larger?"
"Done," said the genie and disappeared.
Continuing his game, the man noticed an immediate change in his "size." Within several holes, it was down to his knee, and by the eighteenth, it had crept into his sock. After holing his final putt, the man hurriedly returned to where he'd met the genie.
"Problem?" inquired the genie.
"Yes," the man responded, "Do you think I could trouble you for one more wish?"
"And what might that be?" asked the genie.
"Could you make my legs longer?"

Two men were out fishing, when they found a lamp floating in the water. One of the men picked it up and rubbed it, causing a genie to explode from the lamp. Unfortunately, it was a very low-level genie and could only grant one wish. The men thought for a few minutes and then wished for the entire lake to be made of the best beer in the world.
With a poof! the wish was granted. All of a sudden, one of the men got really angry.
"Dammit! Now we have to piss in the boat!"

A Ph.D. student, a post-doc, and their professor are walking through a city park and they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out in a puff of smoke.The Genie says, "I usually only grant three wishes, so I'll give each of you just one.""Me first! Me first!" says the Ph.D. student."I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat with a gorgeous woman."Poof! He's gone."Me next! Me next!" says the post-doc. "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with a professional hula dancer on one side and a Mai Tai on the other."Poof! He's gone."You're next," the Genie says to the professor.The professor says, "I want those guys back in the lab after lunch."

A man meets a genie. The genie tells him he can have whatever he wants provided that his mother-in-law gets double. The man thinks for a moment and then says, "OK, give me a million dollars and beat me half to death."

One day Bill Clinton was walking down the beach when he found a genie lamp. He rubbed it and a genie came out. He said to Bill "You have one wish." Bill Clinton cried "But I thought you were supposed to have three wishes!" "Well you are the most powerful man in the world so I only allow one for you," replied the Genie. Bill Clinton thought hard and said "Bring peace to the middle east." He took out a map to show the Genie. The genie said "Nope. Can't do that choose another wish." This next wish came up right away." I want the WHOLE world to love Monica Lewinsky as much as I do" The Genie stared at him with a raised an eyebrow. The Genie replied quickly "Um... can I take a look at that map again?"

A programmer was walking along the beach when he found a lamp. Upon rubbing the lamp a genie appeared who stated "I am the most powerful genie in the world. I can grant you any wish you want, but only one wish." The programmer pulled out a map of the Mediterranean area and said "I'd like there to be a just and last peace among the people in the middle east." The genie responded, "Gee, I don't know. Those people have been fighting since the beginning of time. I can do just about anything, but this is beyond my limits." The programmer then said, "Well, I am a programmer and my programs have a lot of users. Please make all the users satisfied with my programs, and let them ask sensible changes" Genie: "Uh, let me see that map again."