Fur Jokes / Recent Jokes

She has cats and when she lived in the south she would take them to the groomers and have what is called a Line Cut. To her a line cut is when all of the fur hanging down below the cat's tummy is taken off (because it gets matted or snarled).


When she moved to Chicago with my brother, one of the cats fur got all tangled up during the move so she took it in for a line cut. She was quite surprised when she heard the price as it was twice as much as it was down south. She confirmed with the groomer that he understood what a line cut was and he said "yes, I know what a LION cut is." It seems her accent came out sounding like LION not LINE and this is how her cat was returned to her.

She cried for a week... but not as much as the cat. It was November in Chicago and the cat needed all the fur it had."

Gas in car to go to groomers $4. 50
Cat car carrier $32. 99
Grooming fee $80. 00
Getting the look from one seriously pissed more...

A woman asks her husband to buy her a fur coat for
their 25th anniversary.
"HA," he snorted. " The day I buy you a fur coat will
be the day you can grow hair on your chest!"
On that she hikes up her skirt, drops her panties, and
thrust her pubic area forward. "There! I have hair on my chest, now buy
me a fur coat."
"That's not your chest!" he roars back.
"Damn right it's my chest," she argued. "Before we got
married, this was your hope chest. On our honeymoon it was your treasure
chest. Afterwards it became our family chest. AND IF YOU DON'T BUY ME A FUR
COAT IT WILL SOON BECOME THE COMMUNITY CHEST!"

Q: Why do cats eat fur balls? - A: Because they love a good gag!

This blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all these blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid, so she decides to show her husband that blondes really are smart. While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is going to paint a couple of rooms in the house. The next day, right after her husband leaves for work, she gets down to the task at hand. Her husband arrives home at 5: 30 and smells the distinct smell of paint. He walks into the living room and finds his wife lying on the floor in a pool of sweat. He notices that she is wearing a ski jacket and a fur coat at the same time. He goes over and asks her if she is OK. She replies yes. He asks what she is doing. She replies that she wanted to prove to him that not all blonde women are dumb and she wanted to do it by painting the house. He then asks her why she has a ski jacket over her fur coat. She replies that she was reading the directions on the paint can and they said…. FOR BEST RESULTS, more...

Ingredients:
2 Loving Eyes
2 Loving Arms
2 Well Shaped Legs
2 Firm Milk Containers
1 Fur Lined mixing Bowl
2 Large Nuts
1 Large Banana (small will do)

Method:

1. Look into Loving Eyes.

2. Fold in Loving Arms.

3. Spread Well Shaped Legs.

4. Squeeze and massage milk Containers gently until Fur Lined Mixing Bowl is well greased. Check frequently with middle finger.

5. Add Banana - work in and out until well creamed.

6. Cover with Nuts and sigh with relief.

**Cake done when Banana becomes soft. Be sure to wash mixing utensils and don't lick the bowl.

Warning: If cake begins to rise leave town immediately.!!!!

Recipe for Banana Bread Ingredients: 2 Laughing Eyes 2 Loving Arms 2 Well Shaped Legs 2 Firm Milk Containers 1 Fur Lined Mixing Bowl 2 Large Nuts 1 Large Banana Method: 1. Look into Loving Eyes. 2. Fold in Loving Arms. 3. Spread Well Shaped Legs. 4. Squeeze and massage Milk Containers gently until Fur Lined Mixing Bowl is well greased. Check frequently with middle finger. 5. Add Banana - work in and out until well creamed. 6. Cover with Nuts and sigh with relief. Cake done when Banana becomes soft. Be sure to wash mixing utensils and don't lick the bowl. N. B. If cake begins to rise leave town immediately.

What is a cat? Cats do what they want. They rarely listen to you. They're totally unpredictable. They whine when they are not happy. When you want to play, they want to be alone. When you want to be alone, they want to play. They expect you to cater to their every whim. They're moody. They leave hair everywhere. They drive you nuts and cost an arm and a leg. Conclusion: They're tiny women in little fur coats. What is a dog? Dogs lie around all day, sprawled on the most comfortable piece of furniture in the house. They can hear a package of food opening half a block away, but don't hear you when you're in the same room. They can look dumb and lovable all at the same time. They growl when they are not happy. When you want to play, they want to play. When you want to be alone, they want to play. They are great at begging. They will love you forever if you rub their tummies. They leave their toys everywhere. They do disgusting things with their mouths and then try to give you a kiss. more...