Funny Ads Jokes

These are supposedly actual signs that have been found in and around parts of England.
Sign in a Laundromat Automatic washing machines: please remove all your clothes when the light goes out
Sign in a London department store: Bargain basement upstairs
In an office: Would the person who took the step ladder yesterday please bring it back or further steps will be taken
Outside a farm: Horse manure per pre-packed bag do-it-yourself
In an office: After tea break staff should empty the teapot and stand upside down on the draining board
On a church door: This is the gate of heaven. enter ye all by this door.(this door is kept locked because of the draft. please use side door.)
Outside a secondhand shop: We exchange anything - bicycles, washing machines etc. why not bring your wife along and get a wonderful bargain?
Sign outside a new town hall which was to be opened by the Prince of Wales: The town hall is closed until opening. it will remain closed more...

These are advertisements that have appeared in papers across the country (or so we are led to believe)Lost: small apricot poodle. Reward. Neutered. Like one of the family. A superb and inexpensive restaurant. Fine food expertly served by waitresses in appetizing forms. Dinner Special -- Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00. For sale: an antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers. Four-poster bed, 101 years old. Perfect for antique lover. Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to take home, too. Wanted: 50 girls for stripping machine operators in factory. Wanted: Unmarried girls to pick fresh fruit and produce at night.

Don't let worry kill you - let the church help.
Thursday night - Potluck supper. Prayer and medication to follow.
Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.
For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
The rosebud on the alter this morning is to announce the birth of David Alan Belzer, the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Julius Belzer.

These are advertisements that have appeared in papers across the country (or so we are led to believe)We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand. For Sale -- Eight puppies from a German Shepperd and an Alaskan Hussy. Great Dames for sale. Have several very old dresses from grandmother in beautiful condition. Tired of cleaning yourself? Let me do it. Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children. Vacation Special: have your home exterminated. If you think you've seen everything in Paris, visit the Pere Lachasis Cemetery. It boasts such immortals as Moliere, Jean de la Fontain, and Chopin.

These are supposedly actual signs that have appeared at various locations.
An ad on the subway in NYC: “Learn to read and speak English. Call us now. ”
An Amelia Island, FL, podiatrist: “Emergency Foot Surgery- Walk-ins Welcomed. ”
Sign over a restroom in a restaurant: “Used beer department. ”
On a store front in Florida: “Your one stop shop! Beer ammo and liquor. Drive through open 24 hours! ”
A speed limit sign on Long Beach Island, New Jersey: “Smile, You’re on Radar! ”
Seen in a State Park in California: “Weather Station (A large sign with a Rock hanging on a rope) Check the Rock. If it’s wet, it’s raining. If it’s moving, it’s windy. If you can’t see it, it’s foggy. If rock is gone, it’s a tornado. ”