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there is three soliders and they all want to go home. so the capitin says who ever can bring back the most ping pong balls wins and gets to go home. so the first solider goes out for about 1 hour and comes back with a wheel barrow full of ping pong balls. so the capitin says good job solider. the second solider goes out and is gone for 8 hours and comes back with a diesl trailer full of ping pong balls. capitin says great job solider. so the third solider leaves and comes back 30 minutes later bruised and beat up and bleeding and he has a sack over his sholder.
Capitin goes where are your ping pong balls!!
Solider goes ping pong balls i thought you said king kongs balls!!!

The young clerk's responsibilities included bringing the judge a hot cup of coffee at the start of every day.

Each morning the judge was enraged that the coffee cup arrived two-thirds full. The clerk explained that he had to rush to get the coffee delivered while it was still hot, which caused him to spill much of it along the way.

None of the judge's yelling and insults produced a full cup of coffee, until he finally threatened to cut the clerk's pay by one-third if he continued to produce one-third less than the judge wanted.

The next morning he was greeted with a cup of coffee that was full to the brim, and the next morning and the morning after that.

The judge couldn't resist gloating over his success and smugly complimented the clerk on his new technique.

"Oh, there's not much to it," admitted the clerk happily, "I take some coffee in my mouth right outside the coffee room, and spit it back in when I get more...

Defination of a BRA:
Holder of the Boulder from the Shoulder.
Full form of MBBS (Degree awarded on completion of the graduation course in Medicine and Surgery):
Member of Big Bowls Society.
Full form of FRCS (Fellow of the Royal College of Surgeons):
Fooling Round the Country Side.

On the sixth day God turned to the angel Gabriel and said "Today I am going to create a land called Canada. It will be a land of outstanding natural beauty - it shall have tall majestic mountains full of mountain goats and eagles, and beautiful sparkly lakes bountiful with carp and trout. There shall be forests full of elk and moose, high cliffs overlooking sandy beaches with an abundance of sea life, and rivers stocked with salmon." God continued, "I shall make the land rich in oil so to make the inhabitants prosper, I shall call these inhabitants Canadians, they shall be known as the most friendly people on the earth." "But Lord," asked Gabriel, "don't you think you are being too generous to these Canadians?" "No, not really." God replied..."Just wait and see the neighbours I am going to give them!"

An organization is like a tree full of monkeys... all on different limbs,... at different levels,... some climbing up. The monkeys on the top look down and see a tree full ofsmiling faces. The monkeys on the bottom look up and see nothing butassholes.

Cesium Glows
(Tune, Love's a Rose - Neil Young)

Cesium glows, but you better not lick it,
It's fire grows when it's on the tongue.
Lips full of holes, you'll know you've kissed it,
Just take a bite if you want to die young.

I want to see what's never been seen,
I want to dream that Cesium dream.
Come on love, we can glow together,
Let's eat it all right now.
Take a bite right now.

I want to lie in a hole in the ground,
Six feet deep, and twelve feet' round.
Sky blue light around me shinin',
Pale blue worms upon me dinin'.

Cesium glows, but you better not lick it,
It's fire grows when its on your tongue.
Mouth full of holes if ever you kiss it,
Gimme a spoon' cause I wanna die Young.

---Songs of Cesium #109

Special High Intensity TeachingMemo to all students: In order to assure the highest levels of quality work and productivityFrom students, it will be our policy to keep all students welltaught through our program of SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TEACHING(S. H. I. T.). We are trying to give our students more S. H. I. T. than any other school. If you feel that you do not receive your share of S. H. I. T. on the course, please see your lecturer. You will be immediately placed at the top of the S. H. I. T. list, and our lecturers are especially skilledat seeing that you get all the S. H. I. T. you can handle. Students who don't know S. H. I. T. will be placed in DEPARTMENTALEDUCATIONAL EVALUATION PROGRAMS (D. E. E. P. S. H. I. T.). Those who fail to take D. E. E. P. S. H. I. T. seriously will have to go to EDUCATIONAL ATTITUDE TRAINING (E. A. T. S. H. I. T.). Since our lecturers took S. H. I. T. before they graduated, they don't have to do S. H. I. T. anymore, as they are all full of S. H. I. T. more...