Fucked Jokes / Recent Jokes

one day a man sees a girl with no arms and no legs crying on a bench.So he goes over to her and saise whats wrong.She saise I have no arms and I have no legs.So he saise You should try to make the most outta that.She saise, but I cant because all my friends are out there swimming and having fun but me Ive never been kissed or fucked.So the man kisses her.Then he throws her overboard and saise youve been fucked now.

A BLONDE AND A BRUNET WAS IN A BAR AND THE BLONDE SAYS I WAS SO DRUNK THAT I WALKED INTO A TREE. THE BRUNET SAID THAT WAS NOTHING I WAS SO DRUNK I WALKED INTO A MOVEING CAR. THE BLONDE SAID THAT'S NOTHING I WAS SO DRUNK I WALKED INTO THE WRONG HOUSE AND FUCKED AN 60 YEAR OLD MAN.THE BRUNET SAID I WAS SO DRUNK I FUCKED MY 2 YEAR OLD SON. THE BLONDE SAID THAT'S NOTHING I WAS SO DRUNK I BLEW CHUNKS. IN WHO'S BATHROOM? ASKED THE BRUNET. THE BLONDE SAID NO! YOU'VE GOT TO UNDER STAND CHUNKS IS MY DOG!

The FUCK word! Perhaps one of the most interesting and colorful words in the Englishlanguage is the word "Fuck." It is the one magical word, which, just by it's sound describes pain, pleasure, love, and hate. In language, "Fuck" falls into many grammatical categories. It can be used as a verb, both transitive (John fucked Mary) and intransitive (Mary was fucked by John). It can be an active verb (Mary doesn't really give a fuck); or an adverb (Mary is really fucking interested in John); and as a noun, (Mary is a terrific fuck). It can be used as an adjective (Mary is fucking beautiful). As you see, there are veryfew words with the versatility of "Fuck." Besides It's sexual connotations, this incredible word can be used todescribe many situations: It can be used in an anatomical description - "He's a fucking asshole." It can be used to tell time - "It's five fucking thirty." It can be used in business - "How did I end up with this more...

Words were the big topic of the million dollar television quiz show where Professor Geewhiz challenged the audience to stump him with a word he couldn't put into a sentence.

"Garn!" shouted a bloke in the third row.

"Garn?" said the professor, "Garn? It's not a swear word, is it?"

"No," said the punter in the third row, "Garn."

Time elapsed, the buzzer went and the crowd applauded.

"You've stumped him," said the MC, "How do you use the word, sir?"

"Garn get fucked," said the punter who was immediately thrown out and the show closed until further notice.

It took the network twelve months to get over it. Finally they had the gumption to start it up again with the proviso that they would have to screen the audience in future.

On the opening night they scrutinized each member of the public as they arrived before asking for more...

A guy asked me for a cigarette yesterday with this approach. Do you have a spare cigarette?. to which i replied before counting 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10,11,12,13,14,15,16,17,18,19, but sorry none are spares, so the guy starts shouting at me for my comment. I told him to get fucked. and he's going on and on. before I said to him Listen buddy what part of get fucked dont you understand?

Fuck is such a versatile word...
Greetings: How the fuck are you!
Fraud: I got fucked by the car dealer.
Trouble: Well, I guess I'm fucked now.
Confusion: What the fuck...?
Retaliation: Up your fucking ass!
Denial: I didn't fucking do it.
Apathy: Who gives a fuck anyway?
Suspicion: Who the fuck are you?
Directions: Fuck off.
Chronology: It's Five-Fucking-Thirty!
Business: I hate this fucking job.
Oedipal: Motherfucker.
The word has been used by some very notable people throughout history:
Where the fuck is all that water coming from?
-Captain of the Titanic
That's not a fucking real gun.
-John Lennon
Who's going to fucking know?
-President Nixon
Any fucking idiot could understand that.
-Albert Einstein
What the fuck was that?
-Mayor of Hiroshima
It fucking does "so" look like her.
-Picasso
How the fuck did you work that out?
-Pythagoras
You want "what" on more...

Fuck is such a versatile word...Greetings: How the fuck are you! Fraud: I got fucked by the car dealer.Trouble: Well, I guess I'm fucked now.Confusion: What the fuck...? Retaliation: Up your fucking ass! Denial: I didn't fucking do it.Apathy: Who gives a fuck anyway? Suspicion: Who the fuck are you? Directions: Fuck off.Chronology: It's Five-Fucking-Thirty! Business: I hate this fucking job.Oedipal: Motherfucker.The word has been used by some very notable people throughout history:Where the fuck is all that water coming from?-Captain of the TitanicThat's not a fucking real gun.-John LennonWho's going to fucking know?-President NixonAny fucking idiot could understand that.-Albert EinsteinWhat the fuck was that?-Mayor of HiroshimaIt fucking does "so" look like her.-PicassoHow the fuck did you work that out?-PythagorasYou want "what" on the fucking ceiling?-MichelangeloFuck a duck.-Walt DisneyScattered showers my fucking ass!-NoahPick up the fuckin' phone!-E.T.Fuck more...