Fuck Jokes / Recent Jokes

there is a guy that walks into a bar and sees a huge pile of money and
asks the bar-keep what its for. The bar-keep says its a bet that no one has one
yet. so the guy asks what has to be done and the bar-keep replys,"three things
have to be done, first, you see that huge wrestler over in the corner?" they guy
says "yup.", "you have to whoop the shit out of him! Then there is a doverman
pincher in that closet over there, you have to go in there and pull his loose
tooth, but he is a mean fucker" "and third?" asked the guy and the bar-keep
answered "see that dike over there, you have to get her to fuck you" and the
guy was wondering how the hel that was all suposed tho be done in one night. So
he took three shots of tequila and siad "FUCK IT!!!!!" he walked ove rthe the
wresteler and beat the shit out ofe him and then walked in to the closet and
every one got quiet after the more...

Notification to all members regarding language use during seminar.
It has been brought to the attention of senior members that some individuals have been using bad language during discussions at the seminar. Due to complaints from some of our easily offended members, this type of language will no longer be accepted or tolerated.
However, we realise the importance of members being able to properly express their feelings when communicating with each other. With this in mind, our human resources committee has compiled a list of phrase replacements so that the proper exchange of ideas and information can continue in an effective manner without offending our more sensitive members.
CURRENT PHRASE-REPLACEMENT PHRASE
NO FUCKING WAY -I'm fairly sure that's not feasible
YOU'RE FUCKING KIDDING -Really?
TELL SOMEONE WHO GIVES A FUCK-Have you run that by...
NO BASTARD TOLD ME -I wasn't involved in that.
I DON'T HAVE THE FUCKING TIME -Perhaps I can stay and work on more...

Notification to all members regarding language use during seminar.It has been brought to the attention of senior members that some individuals have been using bad language during discussions at the seminar. Due to complaints from some of our easily offended members, this type of language will no longer be accepted or tolerated.However, we realise the importance of members being able to properly express their feelings when communicating with each other. With this in mind, our human resources committee has compiled a list of phrase replacements so that the proper exchange of ideas and information can continue in an effective manner without offending our more sensitive members.CURRENT PHRASE-REPLACEMENT PHRASENO FUCKING WAY -I'm fairly sure that's not feasibleYOU'RE FUCKING KIDDING -Really? TELL SOMEONE WHO GIVES A FUCK-Have you run that by... NO BASTARD TOLD ME -I wasn't involved in that.I DON'T HAVE THE FUCKING TIME -Perhaps I can stay and work on that.WHO FUCKING CARES -Are you sure more...

NOTIFICATION TO ALL STAFF REGARDING LANGUAGEIt has been brought to our attention that some individuals have beenusing foul language during the execution of their duties. Due tocomplaints from managers who are more easily offended, this type oflanguage will no longer be tolerated.We do realise, however, the importance of staff being able to properlyexpress their feelings when communicating with other employees. Withthis in mind, the Human Resources Department has compiled a list ofcode phrases so proper exchange of ideas/information can continue inan effective manner without risking offence to our more sensitivebrethren.Old Phrase New Phrase1. No fucking way I'm fairly sure that this is not feasible2. Your fucking joking Really3. Tell someone who gives a fuck Have you run that by... 4. No cunt told me I was not involved in that project5. I don't have the fucking time Perhaps I can work late6. Who fucking cares Are you sure that is the problem7. Eat shit and die You don't say8. Eat shit more...

There was a retarded duck farmer who had 2 sons, but only enough money to send one to college. So he came up with a fair way to choose who was to get the money. He called both of his sons into a room and gave them each a retarded duck and instructed them to go into the city. The one who made the most off the duck would win the money for college. Well the first child, being the good child he was, scurried off to sell his duck. As he was walking, he saw a lady mowing her lawn. She jumped up from the mower and screamed, "IS THAT A RETARDED DUCK?!?" It sure is he replyed, and its for sale too! She said that she collected retarded ducks and would gladly pay him $10 for that duck, he agreed. Well the other son being the "bad" kid went strait for the whore house. When he got there, a lady started hittin on him. He said he'd love to fuck her but he doesnt have any money, just this retarded duck. She thought about it for awhile and said, well I always did want a pet. So more...

There was an foreign man who knew a little english and lived in a hotel. One day he told the waitress "I wanta fuck" the waitress said "what!!!" I wanta fuck, I wanta fuck on the table." The waitress answered and said "you better not you son of a bitch" so the waitress left mad and never gave him a fork. The next day he went to the manager and said "I wanta shit" the manager said "what!!!" "I wanta shit, I wanta shit on my bed" the manager answered "you better not you son of a bitch" and he never got the sheet he wanted.

I met a guy best of all, too many times I sucked his balls, I've fucked him sitting, I've fucked him lying, If he had wings I'd fuck him flying, and now he's gone, but not forgotten, So I'll dig him up and Fuck him rotten!