Freddy Jokes

As all the sperms were awaiting the big swim, little Freddy was being briefed by one of the elderly sperms. He said to Freddy, "Now you have to swim as fast as you can if you want to be the first one to the egg, and when you do get there, you have to say out loud, "Hello, I'm a sperm." And if you are the first one there the egg will reply, "Hello, I'm an egg." And then you can enter into the egg." So when it was time for all the sperm to start swimming Freddy swam as fast as he could without stopping. He was sure he was nearly there. He turned around to see how far back all the others were, and saw that they were very far behind. As he swam he suddenly found himself in a big moist chamber. He then saw a big round ball, so he swam right up to it and said, "Hello, I'm a sperm." He waited for it's reply. It then said, "Hello, I'm a tonsil."

Three turtles stop in at a bar on a hot day for a beer. While they're waiting they notice that it has started to rain.
"Freddy," says the biggest turtle to the smallest, "go home and fetch our umbrellas."
"No," replies Freddy, "because if I leave you'll drink my beer."
Both of the other turtles promise they would never do such a thing, so Freddy grudgingly gets down from the stool and heads for the exit. Two weeks go by, as the turtles stare thirstily at Freddy's untouched beer in front of them.
Finally one turtle says to the other, "Oh, let's go ahead and drink Freddy's beer. We can tell him it was never delivered."
A voice from up near the front of the bar says, "If you do, I'm not going home for the umbrellas!"

Because her student's were getting bored with show and tell, the teacher decided to have the children come to the front of the class to tell of any unusual hobbies their parents had.
First was a girl, who said, "My mother has a collection of antique dolls."
"Very good," said the teacher. "And you, Harold?"
Harold said, "My father is the champion golfer at his country club."
"Very good, Freddy?"
Freddy announced that his mother's roses won a prize at the Garden Club.
Then the teacher called on Little Johnny. He stood, but didn't say a word until the teacher asked, "Don't your parents do anything you can tell us about?"
Little Johnny thought, and then said, "About all I know is that my father eats light bulbs."
"My word!" said the teacher, "Are you sure?"
Little Johnny nodded. "I was passing their bedroom the other night when I heard my father say,' more...