Forehead Jokes / Recent Jokes

Ordering Earl Grey tea from the computer, then smacking himself on the forehead and saying "I could have had a V-8!"
Yelling "Punchbuggy!" and hitting Riker's arm whenever he sees a shuttle craft
Screwing around in the holodeck when he ought to be on the bridge
Spotlighting unsuspecting crew members with the glare from his forehead
Lecturing everybody on why it's rude to fire the phasers at other life-forms
Sending crank subspace messages to Starfleet Command asking if Dick Hertz is there
Asking Beverly Crusher to come to his quarters so he can show her "a REAL Picard Maneuver"
Ticking off Romulan commanders during tense confrontations in the Neutral Zone by asking "Are those Bugle Boy jeans you're wearing?"
Telling crew members in menacing, Dirty Harry voice, "Go ahead, Make it so"
Putting banana peels on the transporter pads just before an away team beams back up

Q. What is the mating call of the ugly blonde?
A. (Screaming) "I said. I'm drunk!"
Q. Why do blondes wear green lipstick?
A. Because red means stop.
Q. Why do blondes wear hoop earrings?
A. They have to have some place to rest their ankles.
Q. Why do blondes where big hoop earrings?
A. To put their feet through.
Q. What's a brunette's mating call?
A. Has that blonde gone yet?
A2. When is that blonde bitch going to leave!?
A3. "All the blondes have gone home!"
Q. What do you say to a blonde that won't give in?
A. "Have another beer."
Q. Why is a blonde like a door knob?
A. Because everybody gets a turn.
Q. What's the difference between a blonde and a Porsche?
A. You don't lend the Porsche out to your friend.
Q. What's the difference between a blonde and a toothbrush?
A. You don't let your best friend borrow your toothbrush.
Q. What is the difference between more...

A man visits the doctor's because he has a severe stuttering problem. After a thorough examination, the doctor consults with the patient. Doctor:' It appears that the reason for your stuttering is that your penis is about six inches too long and it is thus pulling on your vocal cords, and thereby causing you this annoying problem of stuttering. Patient: Ddddd octttor. Whhaaat cccan I dddo? (Doctor what can I do?)The doctor scratches his forehead, thinks for a minute and states that there is a procedure where we can free up the strain on the vocal cords by removing the six inches from the penis and freeing him from this horrible problem. The patient stuttering badly states that this problem has caused him so much embarrassment as well as loss of employment that anything would be worth it. The doctor plans for the procedure. The operation is a success and six months later the patient comes in for his check up. Patient: Doctor, the operation was a success. I have not stuttered since the more...

A couple from earth has finally saved up enough money to take a vacation on mars (they could do that then). So they go to mars and meet a martain couple and start talking about they way they do things and come to the subject of sex. They decide to switch partners for the night to see what happens. The human woman and the man martain go into a room and the martain strips but his thing is the size of a pencil (whoa), and the woman says, "um, how is this going to work?" The martain man replies "Oh, not big enough? Okay then." All of a sudden he starts slapping his forehead and his thing grows longer. "Um, that's good but isn't it still a little thin?" No problem" the martain man replies. Then he starts pulling his ears and it grows wider. The woman is amazed by this and they have wonderful sex. The next day they meet and the human man asks his wife how it was and she said "Oh my, it was wonderful! How was your night?" The man replied, "It more...

Martha Stewart vs Me... Martha's way: Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of a sugar cone to prevent ice cream drips. My way: Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom of the cone, for Pete's sake, you are probably lying on the couch with your feet up eating it anyway. Martha's way: Use a meat baster to "squeeze" your pancake batter onto the hot griddle and you'll get perfectly shape pancakes every time. My way: Buy the precooked kind you nuke in the microwave for 30 seconds. The hard part is getting them out of the plastic bag. Martha's way: To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in thebag with the potatoes. My way: Buy Hungry Jack mashed potato mix and keep it in the pantry for up to a year. Martha's way: To prevent egg shells from cracking, add a pinch of salt to the water before hard boiling. My way: Who cares if they crack, aren't you going to take the shells off anyway? Martha's way: To get the most juice out of fresh lemons, bring them to room more...