Floor Jokes / Recent Jokes
Theres this cathedral thats still being worked on, and the workers have rigged a "cage elevator" inside so they can get material up and down to the upper floors. A characteristic of these "cage elevators" is that the doors (gate) must be closed manually for them to be "called" to another floor. One day one of the workers, Peter by name, takes the elevator to the top floor, and it is subsequently needed on the first floor by the sexton. Unfortunately, Peter forgot and left the door open. After the sexton rings for the elevator a couple times, to no avail, he yells up for the worker to send the lift back down. Visitors to the cathedral were treated to this sight: The sexton of the cathedral, head tipped up, yelling up to the heavens: "Peter! CLOSE THE GATES!!!"
Once Santa Singh And Banta Singh Went To The 25th Floor Of A Building. Santa Singh Came Down. On Reaching The Ground Floor He Realised That He Forgot His Handkerchif And Glasses At The Top. So He Shouted Out To Banta Singh" Arre Bhai Banta, Zara Mere Glasses To Phek Dena!" Banta Singh Did So. The Glasses Fell And Broke. Santa Singh Shouted Again " Nahin! Nahin! Dont Throw My Handkerchief, I'm Comming Up....!"
Top Ten Signs That It's Going to be a Bad Shift
10. The previous shift tells you, "Things have been quiet."
9. You walk onto the floor and someone from the previous shift says, "Is it that time already?"
8. You run into the pharmacist at the elevator, he hands you a case of Prozac and says, "Here, this is for your floor."
7. Your phone rings 4 hours before your shift and they beg you to come in early.
6. After giving report, the nurse yells from the elevator, "Oh, by the way, they're' pleasantly confused'."
5. While driving to work, every radio station is playing "Knockin' on Heaven's Door".
4. As soon as you walk in, someone hands you scrubs and says, "Here, you'd better put these on."
3. You come in and find one of the previous shift nurses openly weeping at the nurse's station.
2. The nurse about to give you report looks up from her notes and asks, "How many R's in more...
Flabby Americans are always on the lookout for a new diet. The trouble with
most diets is that you don't get enough to eat (the starvation diet), or you
don't get enough variation (the liquid diet), or you go broke (the all-meat
diet). Consequently, people tend to cheat on their diets, or quit after 3
days, or go right back to stuffing their faces after it is all over. Is
there nothing you can do but give up and tell your friends you have a gland
problem? Or is there a slim (groan) hope?
Such is the new Toddler Miracle Diet! Over the years you may have noticed,
as I have, that most two-year-olds are trim. It came to me one day over a
cup of black coffee and a carrot that perhaps their diet is the reason.
After consultation with pediatricians, X-ray technicians, and distraught
moms, I was able to formulate this new diet. It is inexpensive, offering
great variety and sufficient quantity. Before embarking on this diet,
however, be sure more...
A store that sells husbands has just opened in New York City, where a
woman may go to choose a husband.
Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the
store operates. You may visit the store ONLY ONCE!
There are six floors and the attributes of the men increase as the
shopper ascends the flights.
There is, however, a catch.. .. You may choose any man from a
particular floor, or you may choose to go up a floor, but you cannot go back
down except to exit the building!
So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband..
On the first floor the sign on the door reads:
Floor 1 - These men have jobs and love the Lord.
*********
The second floor sign reads:
Floor 2 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, and love kids.
*********
The third floor sign reads:
Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, more...
A man had to attend a large convention in Chicago. On this particular
trip he decided to bring his wife. When they arrived at their
hotel and were shown to their room, the man said:
"You rest here while I register - I'll be back within an hour."
The wife lies down on the bed... just then, an elevated train passes
by very close to the window and shakes the room so hard she's thrown out
of the bed.
Thinking this must be a freak occurrance, she lies down once more. Again
a train shakes the room so violently, she's pitched to the floor. Exasperated,
she calls the front desk, asks for the manager. The manager
says he'll be right up.
The manager (naturally) is skeptical but the wife insists the story is
true.
"Look,... lie here on the bed - you'll be thrown right to the floor!"
So he lies down next to the wife... Just then the husband walks in.
"What," he says, "are you doing here?"
The more...
Q. What do you call 15 blonde's in a circle?
A. A dope ring.
Q. Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, a dumb blonde, and a smart blonde are walking down the street when they spot a $10 bill. Who picks it up?
A1. The dumb blonde! because, there is no such thing as Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, or a smart blonde.
A2. None of them. There is no such thing as Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy or a smart blonde and the dumb blonde thought it was a gum wrapper.
Q. If a blonde and a brunette are tossed off a building, who hits the ground first?
A. The brunette. The blonde has to stop to ask for directions.
Q. What happens when a blonde gets Alzheimer's disease?
A. Her IQ goes up!
Q. What's the difference between Indiana and a blonde?
A. A blonde has larger hills and deeper valleys.
Q. What do a bowling ball and a blonde have in common?
A. Chances are they'll both end up in the gutter.
Q. What did the blonde's mom say to her before the more...