Fishing Jokes / Recent Jokes

Retired colonel, talking of the good old days: Have you ever hunted bear? His grandsons teacher: No, but Ive been fishing in shorts.

A drunk decides to go ice fishing, so he gathers his gear and goes walking around until he finds a big patch of ice. He heads into the center of the ice and begins to saw a hole. All of sudden, a loud booming voice comes out of the sky.
"You will find no fish under that ice."
The drunk looks around, but sees no one. He starts sawing again. Once more, the voice speaks.
"As I said before, there are no fish under the ice."
The drunk looks all around, high and low, but can't see a single soul. He picks up the saw and tries one more time to finish. Before he can even start cutting, the huge voice interrupts.
"I have warned you three times now. There are no fish!"
The drunk is now flustered and somewhat scared, so he asks the voice, "How do you know there are no fish? Are you God trying to warn me?"
"No," the voice replied. "I am the manager of this hockey rink."

While strolling around in a mental hospital, the doctor saw a patient fishing in a garbage can. The doctor decided to speak to the patient. He went and sat beside him and decided to humor the patient first.
"So how many fish did you catch today?" he asked.
"You must be crazy, don't you know this is a garbage can?!"

There were three men in a boat halfway across the lake. The first man suddenly said, "I forgot my lunch," got out of the boat, and walked to shore on top of the water.

Later, the second man said, "I forgot my fishing tackle," and also walked across the water to shore.

By this time, the third man thought to himself, "They're not going to outsmart me. I forgot my bait can," and he started to walk across the water, but he sank.

The first man said to the second, "Maybe we should have told him where the rocks were."

Which fish dresses the best? The Swordfish - It always looks sharp!

A man was speeding down the highway, feeling secure in a group of cars all traveling at the same speed; however, as they passed a speed trap, he got nailed with an infrared speed detector and was pulled over.
The officer handed him the citation, received his signature and was about to walk away when the man asked, "Officer, I know I was speeding, but I don't think it's fair - there were plenty of other cars around me who were going just as fast, so why did I get the ticket?"
"Ever go fishing?" the policeman asked.
"Uhhh, yeah..." the startled man replied.
The officer grinned and added, "Ever catch ALL the fish?"

What do you get if you cross an abbot with a trout? Monkfish!