Firewood Jokes / Recent Jokes

The phone rings at KGB headquarters.

"Hello?"

"Hello, is this KGB?"
"Yes. What do you want?"

"I'm calling to report my neighbor Yankel Rabinovitz as an enemy of the State. He is hiding undeclared diamonds in his firewood."

"This will be noted."

Next day, the KGB goons come over to Rabinovitz's house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept, break every piece of wood, find no diamonds, swear at Yankel Rabinovitz and leave.

The phone rings at Rabinovitz's house.

"Hello, Yankel! Did the KGB come?"
"Yes."
"Did they chop your firewood?"
"Yes, they did."

"Okay, now it's your turn to call. I need my vegetable patch plowed."

The phone rings at FBI headquarters.
"Hello? I`m calling to report my neighbor, Clifford. He is hiding marijuana inside his firewood!"
"Thank you very much for the call, sir."
The next day, FBI agents descend on the neighbor`s house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood, but find no marijuana. They swear at the neighbors and leave.
The phone rings at the neighbors house. "Hey, Clifford, did the FBI come?"
"Yep."
"Did they chop your firewood?"
"Yep."
"Great, now it`s your turn to call. I need my garden plowed."

Working With The FBIThe phone rings at FBI headquarters." Hello?" "Hello, is this the FBI?" "Yes. What do you want?" "I'm calling to report my neighbor Adrian Thibodeaux! He ishiding marijuana inside his firewood." "Thank you very much for the call, sir." The next day, the FBI agents descend on Thibodeaux's house. Theysearch the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they bustopen every piece of wood, but find no marijuana. They swear atThibodeaux and leave. The phone rings at Thibodeaux's house." Hey, Adrian! Did the FBI come?" "Yeah!""Did they chop your firewood?" "Yep""Great, now it's your turn to call. I need my garden plowed."

The phone rings at FBI headquarters.

"Hello? I'm calling to report my neighbor, Clifford. He is hiding marijuana inside his firewood!"

"Thank you very much for the call, sir."

The next day, FBI agents descend on the neighbor's house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood, but find no marijuana. They swear at the neighbors and leave.

The phone rings at the neighbors house. Hey, Clifford, did the FBI come?"

"Yep."

"Did they chop your firewood?"

"Yep."

"Great, now it's your turn to call. I need my garden plowed."

Log On:
Makin' the wood stove hotter.
Log Off:
Don't add no wood.
Monitor:
Keepin' an eye on the wood stove.
Download:
Gettin' the firewood off the pickup.
Mega Hertz:
When yer not careful down loadin'.
Floppy Disk:
Whatcha git from pilin' too much firewood.
Ram:
The hydrolic thingy that splits the firewood.
Hard Drive:
Getting' home in the winter season.
Prompt:
What you wish the mail was in the winter.
Windows:
What to shut when it's below 15 below.
Screen:
What 'cha need for the black fly season.
Byte:
That's what the flies do.
Chip:
What to munch on.
Micro Chip:
What's left in the bottom of the bag.
Infrared:
Where the left-overs go when Fred's around.
Modem:
What 'cha did to the hay fields.
Dot Matrix:
Farmer Matrix's wife.
Lap Top:
Where little kids feel comfy.
Keyboard:
Where ya hang your keys.
Software:
Them plastic eatin' more...

"Hello, is this the FBI?"
"Yes. What do you want?"
"I'm calling to report about my neighbor Billy Bob Smith! He is hiding marijuana inside his firewood."
"Thank you very much for the call, sir."
The next day, the FBI agents descend on Billy Bob's house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood, but find no marijuana. They swore at Billy Bob and left. The phone rings at Billy Bob's house.
"Hey Billy Bob! Did the FBI come?"
"Yeah!"
"Did they chop your firewood?"
"Yep."
"Merry Christmas Buddy"

"Hello, is this the FBI?"
"Yes. What do you want?"
"I'm calling to report about my neighbor Billy Bob Smith! He is hiding marijuana inside his firewood."
"Thank you very much for the call, sir."
The next day, the FBI agents descend on Billy Bob's house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood, but find no marijuana. They swore at Billy Bob and left.
The phone rings at Billy Bob's house.
"Hey, Billy Bob! Did the FBI come?"
"Yeah!"
"Did they chop your firewood?"
"Yep."
"Merry Christmas Buddy."