Finish Jokes / Recent Jokes

"Finish your lima beans or you're not getting any heroin for dessert!"
"If you don't stop that this instant, I'll have Grandma perform another striptease for you."
"If this plexiglass wasn't between us, I'd wash your mouth out with soap, young man."
"Do you want me to put a tofu burrito in your pants? Well? Do You?!"
"Billy Bob, you finish them chores or Sis ain't goin' to the prom with ya!"
"Eat your brussel sprouts, or Mommy won't love you anymore."
"Lyle, Erik - either behave, or go to your suites!"
"If you don't eat your peas, Chelsea, I'll make you stay at the Gingrich's house!"
"Don't make me put you back in the womb!"
"As long as you live under this roof, you're *going* to wear that dress, young man!"
"You just wait til your father gets paroled!"
"Stop crying, Lourdes, or Uncle Dennis will kick you in the more...

Hi im... and i am always mean and emo like because in a society where nice guys finish last what am i to do? I have always been one of the nice guys that girls dream about, but since we are all hung or killed by the other guys we have to blend in. Well i am here to say that i will blend no more and i will be the nice guy i used to be

An Australian, a Frenchman and an Italian are talking about married life.
Italian: When I finish making love to my wife, I cover her head to toe in wine, then lick it off, and my wife, she goes wild.
Frenchman: When I finish making love to my wife, I cover her head to toe in chocolate, then lick it off, and my wife, she goes wild.
Aussie: When I finish making love to my wife, I get out of bed and wipe my dick on the curtains, and my wife...she goes wild!

In Florida there was a swimming contest. The contestants were abrunette-Mindy, a redhead-Cindy, and a blonde-Sandy. The second race was the Breast Stroke... the order of finish was: The brunette came in first, the redhead second,... "but wait", where wasthe blonde??? She was still racing! When she got to the finish line... she said " THEY CHEATED!!"The Judge said "how??" The dumb blonde screamed..."THEY USED THEIR ARMS!"

The Redneck Oil Change Checklist
1. Go to O'Reilly auto parts and write a check for $50 dollars for oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and scented tree.
2. Discover that the used oil container is full. Instead of taking it back to O'Reilly to recycle, dump in hole in back yard.
3. Open a beer and drink it.
4. Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
5. Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.
6. In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
7. Place drain pan under engine.
8. Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
9. Give up and use crescent wrench.
10. Unscrew drain plug.
11. Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil; get hot oil on you in process.
12. Clean up.
13. Have another beer while oil is draining.
14. Look for oil filter wrench.
15. Give up; poke oil filter with screwdriver and twist it off.
16. Beer.
17. Buddy shows up; finish case with him. Finish oil change tomorrow.
18. Next day, drag pan full of more...

In Florida there was a swimming contest. The contestants were abrunette-Mindy, a redhead-Cindy, and a blonde-Sandy. The second race was the Breast Stroke...the order of finish was:The brunette came in first, the redhead second,... "but wait", where wasthe blonde??? She was still racing! When she got to the finish line...she said " THEY CHEATED!!"The Judge said "how??"The dumb blonde screamed..."THEY USED THEIR ARMS!"

"Two Andy Gorams, there's only two Andy Gorams"
- Kilmarnock fans to the Rangers keeper after he had been diagnosed with mild schizophrenia
"I've told the players we need to win so that I can have the cash to buy some new ones."
- Chris Turner, Peterborough manager, before LC QF, 1992
"I spent a lot of my money on booze, birds and fast cars. The rest I just squandered."
- George Best
"If we played like that every week we wouldn't be so inconsistent."
- Bryan Robson, Man Utd, 1990
"That's great, tell him he's Pele and get him back on."
- John Lambie, Partick Thistle manager, when told a concussed striker did not know who he was.
"I was saying the other day, how often the most vulnerable area for goalies is between their legs."
- Andy Gray, Sky Sport
Richard Keys: "Well Roy, do you think that you'll have to finish above Manchester United to win the more...