Fence Jokes / Recent Jokes

A man goes into a drug store and asks the cashier for some rubbers. The
cashier asks, "What size?"
The man replies, "Size? I didn't know they came in sizes."
"Yes, they do," she says, "What size do you want?"
"Well, gee, I don't know," the man answers.
The lady is used to this, so she tells him to go to the back yard and
measure his dick by sticking it into each of the three holes in the fence.
While the man is back there, the lady sneaks around to the other side of the
fence and spreads her legs behind each hole as the man tests it. When the they
return, the cashier asks, "What will it be? Small, medium, or large?"
The man replies, "To hell with the rubbers, give me a hundred feet of
that fence back there!"
Chris Ott

Three insane men walk out of a mental hospital hoping to escape. The first says, "If there's a high fence, we'll dig under it!" The second says, "If there's a low fence, we'll jump over it!" The third says, "Well, we're out of luck, boys--There is no fence," so instead they just went back to their rooms.

A big-city California lawyer went duck hunting in rural Texas.
He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence.
As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing.
The litigator responded, "I shot a duck and it fell into this field, and now I'm going to retrieve it."
The old farmer replied, "This is my property, and you are not coming over here."
The indignant lawyer said, "I am one of the best trial attorneys in the U.S. and, if you don't let me get that duck, I'll sue you and take everything you own."
The old farmer smiled and said, "Apparently, you don't know how we do things in Texas. We settle small disagreements like this with the Texas Three-Kick-Rule."
The lawyer asked, What is the Texas Three-Kick-Rule?."
The farmer replied, "Well, first I kick you three times and then you kick me three times, more...

A big-city California lawyer went duck hunting in rural Iowa He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence. As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing.
The attorney responded, "I shot a duck and it fell in this field, and now I'm going in to retrieve it."
The old farmer replied, "This is my property, and you are not coming over here. "
The indignant lawyer said, "I am one of the best trial attorneys in the U. S.; and, if you don't let me get that duck, I'll sue you and take everything you own. "
The old farmer smiled and said, "Apparently, you don't know how we do things in Iowa. We settle small disagreements like this with the Iowa Three-Kick Rule."
The lawyer asked, "What is this three-kick Rule? "
The farmer replied, "Well, first I kick you three times and then you kick me three times, more...

Hole In The Fence
Little Johnny, Billy and Tommy were walking home from school one warm spring day. As they were cutting through the alleys and backyards, they happened to look through a hole in the fence of one of the yards where a woman was sunbathing in the nude.
As they looked through the hole, Johnny suddenly started to scream, left his friends and took off running for home.
The next day, as the three boys came home again, they found the same hole in the fence and started to watch the woman. Again, after just a few minutes, Johnney started screaming and ran off quickly.
On the third day, the boys were peeping into the hole in the fence again after school, when Johnny turned around and started to run again. But this time, Bill and Tommy grabbed him and demanded to know what was wrong.
Johnny replied, "My mother told me that if I ever looked at a naked woman, I would turn to stone...
And I started to feel a part of me getting awfully hard… "

After being married for thirty-five years, the couple decided to revisit the places they had gone on their honeymoon. Driving through the secluded countryside, they passed a sprawling ranch with a tall deer fence running alongside the road.
"Darling," the wife said, "let's do the same thing we did here thirty-five years ago."
Stopping the car, they both got out. The husband then backed his wife against the fence and they made love like never before.
Returning the the car afterwards, the husband looked at his wife and said, "Sweetheart, you never moved like that thirty-five years ago or any time since, for that matter."
"Well dear, thirty-five years ago that fence wasn't electrified!" replied his wife.

Did you know that heaven and hell are actually right next to each other? They are separated by a big chain-link fence. Well, one day hell was having a big party and it got a little out of hand. God heard the ruckus and arrived to find his fence completely smashed by the wild partiers. He called the devil over and said "Look, Satan, you have to rebuild this fence." Satan agreed. The next day God noticed that the devil had completely rebuilt the fence... but it was 2 feet further into heaven than before. " Satan! " beckoned God. "You have to take that fence down and put it back where it belongs!" "Yeah? What if I don't?" replied the devil. "I'll sue you if I have to," answered God. "Sure," laughed Satan. "Where are you going to find a lawyer?"