"Texas three kick rule" joke
A big-city California lawyer went duck hunting in rural Texas.
He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence.
As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing.
The litigator responded, "I shot a duck and it fell into this field, and now I'm going to retrieve it."
The old farmer replied, "This is my property, and you are not coming over here."
The indignant lawyer said, "I am one of the best trial attorneys in the U.S. and, if you don't let me get that duck, I'll sue you and take everything you own."
The old farmer smiled and said, "Apparently, you don't know how we do things in Texas. We settle small disagreements like this with the Texas Three-Kick-Rule."
The lawyer asked, What is the Texas Three-Kick-Rule?."
The farmer replied, "Well, first I kick you three times and then you kick me three times, and so on, back and forth, until someone gives up."
The attorney quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily take the old codger. He agreed to abide by the local custom.
The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to the city feller. His first kick planted the toe of his heavy work boot into the lawyer's groin and dropped him to his knees.
His second kick nearly wiped the man's nose off his face. The barrister was flat on this belly when the farmer's third kick to a kidney nearly caused him to give up.
The lawyer summoned every bit of his will and managed to get to his feet and said, "OK, you old coot! Now it's my turn."
The old farmer smiled and said, "No I give up, you can have the duck."
Hi. I'm Mike. I'd like to (sex) tell you about some weird psychological phenomenon (sleep with me) that has been in the media forefront (I'm your love slave) in the past few years. I'm talking about subliminal suggestion.
Subliminal suggestion (buy me a car) is a technique more...
Operator: "Thank you for calling Pizza Hut. May I have your..."
Customer: "Heloo, can I order.."
Operator: "Can I have your multi purpose card number first, Sir?"
Customer: "It's eh..., hold........... on...... more...
Bob and Martha have been married for 15 years. Every morning for 15 years, Bob wakes up, farts loudly, rolls over onto his back and gets up for work.
Every morning for 15 years, Martha says, "One of these days, you're gonna fart your guts more...
A woman was concerned that her prize-winning Schnauzer was going deaf. When she called him, he wouldn't come. When she took him out for a walk, he wouldn't heel like he had been taught to do. As a matter of fact, when the dog wasn't looking and she called him, he acted like he more...
One day God calls down to Noah and says, "Noah my old friend, I want you to make me a new Ark."
Noah replies, "No problem God, me old supreme being, anything you want after all you're the boss!"
But God interrupts, "Ah but there's a catch this more...