Farmer Jokes / Recent Jokes

(My friend Brad in NYC told me this one yesterday.)
There was once a man from the city who was visiting a small farm,
and during this visit he saw a farmer feeding pigs in a most
extraordinary manner. The farmer would lift a pig up to a nearby
apple tree, and the pig would eat the apples off the tree
directly. The farmer would move the pig from one apple to
another until the pig was satisfied, then he would start again
with another pig.
The city man watched this activity for some time with great
astonishment. Finally he could not resist saying to the farmer,
"This is the most inefficient method of feeding pigs that I can
imagine. Just think of the time that would be saved if you
simply shook the apples off the tree and let the pigs eat them
from the ground!"
The farmer looked puzzled and replied, "What's time to a pig?"

A farmer's wife was at her lawyer's getting advice about a divorce.
"He makes excessive sexual demands on me, Mr. Jones."
"How do you mean?"
"Well, Mr. Jones," says the farmer's wife, "this morning I was looking at the chickens, when he crept up behind me and had me from behind!"
"Chickens? Mrs. Smith, I didn't know you kept chickens."
"We don't, Mr. Jones, we were at the Safeway supermarket!"

One day there was this farmer. He had 3 daughters and they each had a date on Saturday night.
The first date comes to the door. the farmer answers the door.

The first date says, "Hi my name is Joe, I'm here to take your daughter Flow to eat some dough."
The farmer says sure. Soon the second date comes to the door, "the date says hi, I'm Freddy, I'm here to take your daughter Betty to eat some spaghetti." The farmer goes sure.
Then the last date comes to the door. "he say hi, my name is Chuc-k..."The farmer goes "Get the hell out of my house!!!

An out-of-towner accidentally drives his car into a deep ditch on the side of a country road. Luckily a farmer happened by with his big old horse named Benny.The man asked for help. The farmer said Benny could pull his car out. So he backed Benny up and hitched Benny to the man's car bumper.Then he yelled, "Pull, Nellie, pull."Benny didn't move.Then he yelled, "Come on, pull Ranger."Still, Benny didn't move.Then he yelled really loud, "Now pull, Fred, pull hard."Benny just stood.Then the farmer nonchalantly said,"Okay, Benny, pull."Benny pulled the car out of the ditch.The man was very appreciative but curious. He asked the farmer why he called his horse by the wrong name three times.The farmer said, "Oh, Benny is blind, and if he thought he was the only one pulling he wouldn't even try."

A mans car stalled on a country road one morning. When the man got out to fix it, a cow came along and stopped beside him. "Your trouble is probably in the carburetor," said the cow. Startled, the man jumped back and ran down the road until he met a farmer. The amazed man told the farmer his story."Was it a large red cow with a brown spot over the right eye?" asked the farmer. "Yes, yes," the man replied."Oh! I wouldnt listen to Bessie," said the farmer. "She doesnt know a thing about cars."

A man is driving down a country road, when he spots a farmer standing in the middle of a huge field of grass. He pulls the car over to the side of the road and notices that the farmer is just standing there, doing nothing, looking at nothing. The man gets out of the car, walks all the way out to the farmer and asks him, "Ah excuse me mister, but what are you doing? "The farmer replies, "I'm trying to win a Nobel Prize. "How?" asks the man, puzzled. "Well, I heard they give the Nobel Prize. . . to people who are out standing in their field."

The Monday Afternoon Club, an organization of wealthy city women, met and decided that this month's outing was to be at a dairy farm. Most of them had lived in the city all their lives, and had never seen such a thing.
The day came, and the ladies filed into the rented bus which whisked them off to their destination. On the way, they watched out the windows as the city squalor turned into lovely, unpolluted countryside.
After they arrived, they were greeted by the farmer who invited them to look him up should they have any questions. Myrtle, after looking about, and being amazed by what she saw, stepped into a building and viewed something she thought was quite remarkable. She saw the farmer walk by and hailed him - he sauntered in.
"Sir," she inquired, "Why doesn't this cow have any horns?"

The farmer cocked his head for a moment, then began in a patient tone: "Well, ma'am, cattle can do a powerful lot of damage with horns. Sometimes more...