Expression Jokes / Recent Jokes
It was many years ago since the embarrassing day when a young woman, with a baby in her arms, entered his butcher shop and confronted him with the news that the baby was his and asked what was he going to do about it? Finally he offered to provide her with free meat until the boy was 16. She agreed.
The butcher had been counting the years off on his calendar, and one day the teenager, who had been collecting the meat each week, came into the shop and said, "I'll be 16 tomorrow."
"I know," said the butcher with a smile, "I've been counting too, tell your mother, when you take this parcel of meat home, that it is the last free meat she'll get, and watch the expression on her face."
When the boy arrived home he told his mother. The woman nodded and said, "Son, go back to the butcher and tell him I have also had free bread, free milk, and free groceries for the last 16 years and watch the expression on his face!"
A young woman, with a baby in her arms, entered a butcher shop and confronted the butcher with the news that the baby was his and asked what he was going to do about it? He said he'd offer to provide her with free meat until the boy was 16. She agreed.
The butcher had been counting the years off on his calendar, and one day the teenager who had been collecting the meat each week, came into the shop and said, "I'll be 16 tomorrow." "I know," said the butcher with a smile, "I've been counting too, tell your mother, when you take this parcel of meat home, that it is the last free meat she'll get, and watch the expression on her face." When the boy arrived home he told his mother.
The woman nodded and said, "Son, go back to the butcher and tell him I have also had free bread, free milk, and free groceries for the last 16 years and watch the expression on his face!"
Save all manner of bacon grease. If it can't be fried in bacon grease, it ain't worth cooking, let alone eating. Just because one can drive on snow and ice does not mean we can't stay home the two days of the year it snows. If you do run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in the cab of a four-wheel-drive with a 12-pack of beer and a tow chain will be along shortly. Don't try to help them. Just stay out of their way: This is what they live for. Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and fishing bait in the same store. Remember: "Y'all" is singular. "All y'all" is plural. "All y'all's" is plural possessive. There is nothing sillier than a northerner imitating a Southern accent, unless it is a Southerner imitating a Boston accent. People walk slower here. Don't be worried that you don't understand anyone. They don't understand you either. The first Southern expression to creep into a transplanted Northerner's vocabulary is the adjective "Big more...
Save all manner of bacon grease. If it can't be fried in bacon grease, it ain't worth cooking, let alone eating.
Just because one can drive on snow and ice does not mean we can't stay home the two days of the year it snows.
If you do run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in the cab of a four wheel drive with a 12-pack of beer and a tow chain will be along shortly. Don't try to help them. Just stay out of their way. This is what they live for.
Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same store.
Do not buy food at the movie store.
Remember: "Y'all" is singular. "All y'all" is plural. "All y'all's" is plural possessive.
There is nothing sillier than a northerner imitating a Southern accent, unless it is a Southerner imitating a Boston accent.
People walk slower here.
Don't be worried that you don't understand anyone. They don't understand you either.
The first Southern expression to creep into a more...
It was many years ago since the embarrassing day when a young woman, with a baby in her arms, entered his butcher shop and confronted him with the news that the baby was his and asked what was he going to do about it?
Finally he offered to provide her with free meat until the boy was 16. She agreed.
He had been counting the years off on his calender, and one day the teenager who had been collecting the meat each week, came into the shop and said, "I'll be 16 tomorrow."
"I know," said the butcher with a smile, "I've been counting too, tell your mother, when you take this parcel of meat home, that it is the last free meat she'll get, and watch the expression on her face."
When the boy arrived home he told his mother. The woman nodded and said, "Son, go back to the butcher and tell him I have also had free bread, free milk, and free groceries for the last 16 years and watch the expression on HIS face!"
Little Johnny's father says to him, "When you go back to your Mom's tonight, give her this envelope. Tell her that since you are now 18 this is the LAST check she'll ever see from me for child support. Then, stand back and watch the expression her face."
"OK" replied Little Johnny.
Later when Little Johnny got home he said to his mom, "Mom, Dad asked me
to give you this envelope. He said to tell you that since I'm now 18 this is the LAST child support payment he'll ever have to make to you. Now I'm supposed to stand back and watch the expression on your face."
"Next time you visit your father tell him that after 18 years I have decided to inform him that he's not your father. Then, stand back and watch the expression on HIS face." replied Little Johnny's mother.
Back in the 1970s on the classic TV game show “Match Game,” host Gene Rayburn would read a question that began “Dumb Dora is so dumb...” – and the studio audience would immediately chime in: “How dumb is she?”
Well, I work for a woman named D. And D is so dumb...okay, it’s your cue to chime in: “How dumb is she?”
This is how dumb. For the newsletter where I toil, I had to write about a none-too-special PR campaign involving a well-known apparel distributor that worked with a constellation of sweatshops spread across the so-called developing world. (Side note: just when is the developing world actually going to develop?) Anyway, I needed a headline to justify the story of how this company mended its way (sorry for the pun) and made its sweatshops a lot nicer.
So I came up with the headline “As Ye Sew...” – an obvious spin on the expression “As ye sow, so shall ye reap.” Now I thought that was nice, but D was totally confused and more...