Executioner Jokes / Recent Jokes

Three women are about to be executed.One's a brunette, one's a redhead, and one's a blonde.Two guards brings the brunette forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests.She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready. . . Aim. . . "Suddenly the brunette yells, "earthquake!!"Everyone is startled and looks around. She manages to escape.The angry guards then bring the redhead forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests.She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready. . . Aim. . . "The redhead then screams, "tornado!!"Yet again, everyone is startled and looks around. She too escapes execution.By this point, the blonde had figured out what the others did.The guards bring her forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests.She also says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready. . . Aim. . . "The blonde shouts, "fire!!"

Mueller is traveling with his wife and mother-in-law in a far east country. At a place of honor his mother-in-law makes a careless remark, which the native people take as an insult to the royal family.

Mueller is dragged off to court with his wife and mother-in-law and are sentenced to corporal punishment. Each of them are to recieve 50 lashes on the rear end with a cane. But because the royal family doesn't want to appear hostile to foreigners, they grant the guests in their country a wish beforehand, as long as it is able to be fulfilled.

Mrs. Mueller is first.

"What do you wish for yourself?"

"I would like a pillow bound on my rear end before the lashings."

"Okay, that shall be granted to you."

Mrs. Mueller has the pillow bound to her rear end and receives her punishment. But because the pillow is too small and the executioner also hits her back a couple of times, she receives a few more...

Three women are about to be executed for crimes. One's a brunette, one's a redhead, and one's a blonde.
Two guards brings the brunette forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready. . . Aim. . . "
Suddenly the brunette yells, "earthquake!!" Everyone is startled and looks around. She manages to escape.
The angry guards then bring the redhead forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready. . . Aim. . . "
The redhead then screams, "tornado!!" Yet again, everyone is startled and looks around. She too escapes execution.
By this point, the blonde had figured out what the others did. The guards bring her forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She also says no, and the executioner shouts, Ready. . . Aim. . . "
The blonde shouts, "fire!!"

A BLONDE A BRUNETTE AND A REDHEAD WERE ABOUT TO GET EXECUTED. THE BRUNETTE STEPPED UP AND THE EXECUTIONERS ASKED IF SHE HAD ANY LAST WORDS... SHE DIDNT SAY ANYTHING. SO THE EXECUTIONER SAID"3...2...1..."THEN THE BRUNETTE SAID "HURRICANE". THEN THE EXECUTIONERS LOOKED AROUND AND THE BRUNETTE GOT AWAY.
THEN THE REDHEAD STEPPED UP AND ONCE AGAIN THE EXECUTIONER SAID"ANY LAST WORDS"AND ONCE AGAIN NO WORDS. THEN THE EXECUTIONER SAID 3...2...1 THEN THE REDHEAD SAID TORNADO AND ONCE AGAIN EVERYONE LOOKED AROUND AND THE REDHEAD GOT AWAY.
FINALLY THE BLONDE GOT UP THERE AND THE EXECUTIONER SAID"AND LAST WORDS" ONCE AGAIN NOTHING. THEN THE EXECUTIONER SAID"3...2...1 THEN THE BLONDE SHOUTED "FIRE".

Once upon a time there lived three men: a doctor, a chemist, and an engineer. For some reason all three offended the king and were sentenced to die on the same day.The day of the execution arrived, and the doctor was led up to the guillotine.As he strapped the doctor to the guillotine, the executioner asked, "Head up or head down?""Head up," said the doctor."Blindfold or no blindfold?""No blindfold."So the executioner raised the axe, and z-z-z-z-ing! Down came the blade--and stopped barely an inch above the doctor`s neck. Well, the law stated that if an execution didn`t succeed the first time the prisoner had to be released, so the doctor was set free.Then the chemist was led up to the guillotine."Head up or head down?" said the executioner."Head up.""Blindfold or no blindfold?""No blindfold."So the executioner raised his axe, and z-z-z-z-ing! Down came the blade--and stopped an inch above the chemist`s more...

Three women are about to be executed for crimes. One's a brunette, one's a redhead, and one's a blonde. Two guards brings the brunette forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready. . . Aim. . . "Suddenly the brunette yells, "earthquake!!" Everyone is startled and looks around. She manages to escape. The angry guards then bring the redhead forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready. . . Aim. . . "The redhead then screams, "tornado!!" Yet again, everyone is startled and looks around. She too escapes execution. By this point, the blonde had figured out what the others did. The guards bring her forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She also says no, and the executioner shouts, Ready. . . Aim. . . "The blonde shouts, "fire!!"

Three women are about to be executed for crimes. One's a brunette, one's a redhead, and one's a blonde.
Two guards brings the brunette forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready... Aim..."
Suddenly the brunette yells, "earthquake!!" Everyone is startled and looks around. She manages to escape.
The angry guards then bring the redhead forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready... Aim..."
The redhead then screams, "tornado!!" Yet again, everyone is startled and looks around. She too escapes execution.
By this point, the blonde had figured out what the others did. The guards bring her forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She also says no, and the executioner shouts, Ready... Aim..."
The blonde shouts, "fire!!"