Electric Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    A few days after Christmas, a mother was working in the kitchen listening to her young son playing with his new electric train in the living room. She heard the train stop and her son said, "All of you sons of bitches who want off, get the hell off now, cause this is the last stop! And all of you sons of bitches who are getting on, get your asses in the train, cause we're going down the tracks."
    The mother went nuts and told her son, "We don't use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and you are to stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with your train, but I want you to use nice language."
    Two hours later, the son comes out of the bedroom and resumes playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say, "All passengers who are disembarking from the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for riding with us today and hope your trip was a more...

    There were three guys, a Torontonian, an American and a Newfie. They were all going to be executed. The executioner said that since all three were to be executed that night, they would each get to choose the method by which they would die.
    Their choices were: lethal injection, electric chair or by hanging. The American was afraid of needles and didn't want to be hanged, so he chose the electric chair. He sat in the chair and they pulled the switch and nothing happened. The executioner said that if this happens a second time that he could go free. They tried a second time and again nothing happened, so they set him free.
    The guy from Toronto was also afraid of needles and didn't want to be hanged so he too chose the electric chair. Once again, the chair didn't work and he was free.
    Next it was the Newfie's turn to pick how he was to be executed. He said, "I'm afraid of needles, the electric chair won't work so you're going to have to hang me."

    A husband and wife were shopping when the wife said, "Darling, its my mother's birthday tomorrow. What shall we buy for her?
    She would like something electric."
    The husband replied, "How about a chair?!?"

    1. Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage, good food and companionship; she goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays.
    2. We also sleep in separate beds; Hers is in California and mine is in Texas.
    3. I take my wife everywhere; but she keeps finding her way back.
    4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said. So I suggested the kitchen.
    5. We always hold hands; if I let go, she shops.
    6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker. She complained "There are too many gadgets and no place to sit down!" So I bought her an electric chair.
    7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well because
    there was water in the carburetor. I asked where the car was; she told me, "In the lake."
    8. She got a mud pack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.
    9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling "Am more...

    Blonde Cousin Ellen has always been the world's worst when it comes to getting instructions mixed up. When she got married her husband bought her a fancy, electric coffee maker that had all the latest gadgets on it.
    The salesman carefully explained how everything worked: how to plug it in, set the timer, go to bed and upon rising, the coffee is ready.
    A couple of weeks later, Ellen was back in the store and the salesman asked her how she liked her new coffee maker.
    "It's wonderful," she replied. "There IS one thing I don't understand though. Why do I have to go to bed every time I want to make a pot of coffee?"

  • Recent Activity