Evacuated Jokes

Police have evacuated The Wall Street Journal's mailroom after several envelopes were found to contain a suspicious white powder. Afterwards, several comedy writers were arrested for telling the same tired "cocaine reference" joke.

As Hurricane John threatens to batter Mexico's Baja Peninsula, thousands of people are being evacuated. Commented Pat Buchanan, "Oh, is that what we're calling immigration now?"

In a west Texas town, employees in a medium-sized warehouse noticed the smell of gas. Sensibly, management evacuated the building, extinguishing all potential sources of ignition -- lights, power, etc. After the building had been evacuated, two technicians from the gas company were dispatched. Upon entering the building, they found they had difficulty navigating in the dark. To their frustration, none of the lights worked. Witnesses later described the scene of one of the technicians reaching into his pocket and retrieving an object that resembled a lighter. Upon operation of the lighter-like object, the gas in the warehouse exploded, sending pieces of it up to three miles away. Nothing was found of the technicians, but the lighter was virtually untouched by the explosion. The technician that was suspected of causing the explosion had never been thought of as "bright" by his peers.

Editor's note: I've gotten more than one 1999 Darwin Awards posting this year (that don't match), but I figure the gene pool is a big place...

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The true high point of the year has arrived. Yes, it is the 1999 Darwin Awards. For those sheltered few of you who are not fully aware of the Darwin Awards; these awards are given annually (and posthumously) to those individuals who did the most for the human gene pool by removing themselves from it.

GRAVITY KILLS

A 22-year-old Reston, Va., man was found dead after he tried to use luggage straps (the stretchy little ropes with hooks on each end) to bungee jump off a 70-foot railroad trestle, police said. Fairfax County, Va., police said Eric A. Barcia, a fast-food worker, taped a bunch of these straps together, wrapped an end around one foot, anchored the other end to the trestle at Lake Accotink Park, jumped... and hit the pavement. Warren Carmichael, a police spokesman, said investigators think Barcia more...

Early last week, a 36-year-old grade-school science teacher arrived at school and was unlocking her classroom when she was shot. She was seriously wounded but survived, and at the hospital, she described the shooter as a 19 or 20 year old Hispanic man and said she'd received threatening letters from an anonymous man recently, but had no idea who he was or why he was threatening her. This was the top news story for two days.

++ Now, there are *two* absurd aspects to this story. Number one: As soon as someone discovered the woman had been shot, the school was evacuated and SWAT team members and other authorities were swarming all over the place. All the people evacuated were adult employees of the school, as it was too early in the morning for the kids to be there. The evacuees were herded onto a school bus and, without being given details on what the hell was going on, they were rushed at top speed to........... counseling! We just about fell off our chairs laughing when we more...