Ethnic Jokes / Recent Jokes

Susie Lee fell in love.
She planned to marry Joe.
She was so happy' bout it all,
she told her Pappy so.
Pappy told her, "Susie Gal,
you'll have to find another.
I'd just as soon yo' maw don't know,
but Joe is yo' half-brother."
So Susie forgot about her Joe
and planned to marry Will.
But, after telling Pappy this,
he said, "There's trouble still.
You can't marry Will, my gal,
and please don't tell yo' mother,
cause Will and Joe and several mo'
I know is yo' half-brother."
But Mama knew and said "Honey Child,
Do what makes yo' happy.
Marry Will or marry Joe,
you ain't no kin to Pappy!"

A ventriloquist walks into a small Australian town and sees a local sitting on his porch patting his dog and figures he'll have a little fun.
Ventriloquist: 'G'day mate. Good looking dog... mind if l speak to him?'
Local: 'The dog doesn't talk, you stupid man.'
Ventriloquist: 'Hey dog, how's it going old mate?'
Dog: 'Doin' all right.'
Local: (Look of extreme shock)
Ventriloquist (pointing at local): 'Is this man your owner?'
Dog: 'Yep.'
Ventriloquist: 'How does he treat you?'
Dog: 'Real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food and lakes me to the river once a week to play.'
Local: (Look of utter disbelief)
Ventriloquist: 'Mind if I talk to your horse?'
Local: 'Uh, the horse doesn't talk either... I think.'
Ventriloquist: 'Hey horse, how's it going?'
Horse: 'Cool.'
Local: (Absolutely dumbfounded)
Ventriloquist (pointing at local): 'Is this your owner?'
Horse: 'Yep.'
Ventriloquist: 'How does he treat more...

Barbara Walters was doing a documentary on the customs of American Indians. After a tour of a reservation, she asked a Brave, who had only one feather in his headdress, "Why the difference in the number of feathers in the headdresses?" His reply was, "Me have only one sqaw, me have only one feather." She asked another Brave, feeling the first fellow was only joking. This Brave had four feathers in his headdress. He replied, "Ugh; me have four feathers because me sleep with four squaws." Still not convinced the number of feathers indicated the number of sqaws involved, she decided to interview the Chief. Now the Chief had a headdress full of feathers, which, needless to say, amused Ms. Walters. She asked the Chief, "Why do you have so many feathers in your headdress?" The Chief proudly pounded his chest and said, "Me Chief. Me fuck-em all. Big, small, fat, tall. Me fuck-em all." Horrified, Ms. Walters stated, "You ought to be more...

A guy walks into a gun shop to buy a gun.
"Can I help you sir?, asked the shopkeeper".
Ah, yes...I want to buy a .44 Magnum please.
The shopkeeper informs the man that the .44 is a very powerful gun, and asks the customer what he's going to use it for.
The man replies, "I want to shoot cans!"
What? Cans! You don't need a .44 to shoot cans sir, a much smaller gun would do, advised the shopkeeper.
The customer has enough and finally says, "Shut up and give me the dang .44 Mag...I want to shoot AmeriCans, MexiCans, and AfriCans!

During the French revolution, hundreds of people were guillotined. One
day, three men were led up to die. One was a lawyer, one was a doctor,
and the third was an engineer.
The lawyer was to die first. He was led to the guillotine, the attending priest blessed him, and he knelt with his head on the guillotine. The blade was released, but stopped halfway down its path. The priest, seeing an opportunity, quickly said, "Gentlemen, God has spoken and said this man is to be spared; we cannot kill him." The executioner agreed, and the lawyer was set free.
The doctor was next. He was blessed by the priest, then knelt and placed his head down. The blade was released, and again stopped halfway down. Again the priest intervened: "Gentlemen, God has again spoken; we cannot kill this man." The executioner agreed and the doctor was set free.
At last it was the engineer's turn. He was blessed by the priest, and
knelt, but before he placed his head on the more...

A man goes to the doctor for a checkup. After the checkup, the doctor tells the man he has bad news. "You only have six months to live."
The man sits for a while thinking, and then says, "There's only one thing I can do, I'm going to become a Communist."
The doctor asks,"You've been a patriotic American all your life, why are you going to become a Communist now?"
The man says, "Better one of them should die than one of us!"

An American tourist in Moscow found himself needing to get rid of a large supply of garbage from his recent stay at an apartment. After a long search, he just couldn't find any place to discard of it. So, he just went down one of the side streets to dump it there. Yet, he was stopped by a Moscow police officer, who said, "Hey you, what are you doing?" "I have to throw this away," replied the tourist. "You can't throw it away here. Look, follow me," the policeman offered. The police officer led him to a beautiful garden with lots of grass, pretty flowers, and manicured hedges. "Here," said the cop, "dump all the garbage you want." The American shrugs, opens up the large bags of garbage, and dumps them right on the flowers. "Thanks for giving me a place to dump this stuff. This is very nice of you. Is this Russian courtesy?" asked the tourist. "No. This is the Amer ican Embassy."