Eternal Jokes / Recent Jokes

On their way to a justice of the peace to get married, a couple has a fatal car accident. The couple is sitting outside heaven's gate waiting on St.Peter to do an intake. While waiting, they wonder if they could possibly get married in Heaven. St. Peter finally shows up and they ask him. St. Peter says, "I don't know, this is the first time anyone has ever asked. Let me go find out," and he leaves.The couple sits for a couple of months and begin to wonder if they really should get married in Heaven, what with the eternal aspect of it all. "What if it doesn't work out?" they wonder, "Are we stuck together forever?"St. Peter returns after yet another month, looking somewhat bedraggled. "Yes," he informs the couple, "You can get married in Heaven.""Great," says the couple, "but what if things don't work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?"St. Peter, red-faced, slams his clipboard onto the ground!"What's more...

"Time is the eternal river."
So I suggest you not swim upstream for eternal youth, loss of wrinkles, or anything like that or else you'll live your childhood and teen years over and over again in an infinite loop

Three people arrive at the gates of heaven and St. Peter greeted them. "Welcome to Heaven. We have simplified the process of admission, and all you need to do to get into Heaven is pass a simple test. Are you ready?"
The first person said, "I've prepared for this moment for 73 years."
"Okay," said St. Peter, "spell' God'."
"G-O-D."
"Very good, enter your eternal reward."
"That was easier than I thought it would be," the second person said, "I'll take my test now."
"Okay," said St. Peter, "spell' love'."
"L-O-V-E."
"Excellent, enter your eternal reward."
The third person, a lawyer, said, "Boy, is this is gonna be a snap. Give me my test."
"Okay," said St. Peter, "spell' prorhipidoglossomorpha'."

During the Wu Han Dynasty, the imperial court had an articles of tribute which included a glass of wine that was supposed to give the drinker eternal life. One day, a guy named Dongfang Shuo drank some of the wine thinking that nobody had seen him. Unfortunately, the King learnt about his act and was furious. He decided to put Dongfang Shuo to death. Dongfang Shuo pleaded the King: "My Lord, the wine I drank was supposed to give me eternal life. That means I wouldn't die even if you kill me. If I should die, then the wine is not the real wine of eternal life." The King was amused by what Dongfang Shuo said and he pardoned him.

On their way to a justice of the peace to get married, a couple has a fatal car accident. The couple is sitting outside heaven's gate waiting on St. Peter to do an intake. While waiting, they wonder if they could possibly get married in Heaven. St. Peter finally shows up and they ask him. St. Peter says, "I don't know, this is the first time anyone has ever asked. Let me go find out," and he leaves.

The couple sits for a couple of months and begin to wonder if they really should get married in Heaven, what with the eternal aspect of it all. "What if it doesn't work out?" they wonder, "Are we stuck together forever?"

St. Peter returns after yet another month, looking somewhat bedraggled. "Yes," he informs the couple, "You can get married in Heaven."

"Great," says the couple, "but what if things don't work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?"

St. Peter, red-faced, more...

Josh lived in a small town and was well know for being the eternal optimist. No matter how horrible a situation was, Josh could always think of a way it could be worse. Eventually, everyone in town tired of hearing him say that, so they decided to tell him a lie.
"Josh, did you hear that Rick found his wife in bed with another man last night? He shot the man and then himself. Isn't that horrible?"
"Yes, that is horrible," Josh replied. "It could have been worse though."
"How could THAT possibly be worse?"
"Had it been the night before," Josh said, "I'd be dead!"

An answer to the eternal question "Is it better to be a jock or a nerd?" Michael Jordan will make over $300, 000 a game: $10, 000 a minute, assuming he averages about 30 minutes per game. Assuming $40 million in endorsements next year, he'll be making $178, 100 a day (working or not)! Assuming he sleeps 7 hours a night, he makes $52, 000 every night while visions of sugarplums dance in his head. If he goes to see a movie, it'll cost him $7. 00, but he'll make $18, 550 while he's there. If he decides to have a 5 minute egg, he'll make $618 while boiling it. He makes $7, 415/hr more than minimum wage (after the wage hike). He'll make $3, 710 while watching each episode of Friends. If he wanted to save up for a new Acura NSX ($90, 000) it would take him a whole 12 hours. If someone were to hand him his salary and endorsement money, they would have to do it at the rate of $2. 00 every second. He'll probably pay around $200 for a nice round of golf, but will be reimbursed $33, more...