Enemy Jokes / Recent Jokes

A man was digging in his garden, when his shovel hit a hard object buried in the earth, which revealed itself to be an old bottle sealed with a cork. The man wrenched the cork free and, to his astonishment, there was a cloud of smoke and a clap of thunder. Standing before him was a genie." As a reward for freeing me, I shall grant you three wishes," said the genie, "But understand, whatever you wish for, your most hated enemy shall receive twice over." The man's most hated enemy happened to be his next door neighbour, Jones. "Let's see. My first wish is..." He looked at his weather beaten bungalow, "... to live in a ten story luxury mansion." The genie clapped his hands and suddenly his minute shack transformed into the most beautiful house he had ever laid eyes on. He heard a cry of astonishment from next door and looked over to see Jones standing in the doorway of his new twenty story mansion." Now I want fifty of the most beautiful women more...

A seaman meets a pirate in a bar, and talk turns to their adventures on the sea. The seaman notes that the pirate has a peg-leg, a hook, and an eye patch.
The seaman asks, “So, how did you end up with the peg-leg? ” The pirate replies, “We were in a storm at sea, and I was swept overboard into a school of sharks. Just as my men were pulling me out, a shark bit my leg off. ”
“Wow! ” said the seaman. “What about your hook”? “Well”, replied the pirate, “We were boarding an enemy ship and were battling the other sailors with swords. One of the enemy cut my hand off. ”
“Incredible! ” remarked the seaman. “How did you get the eye patch”? “A seagull dropping fell into my eye, ” replied the pirate.
“You lost your eye to a seagull dropping?, ” the sailor asked incredulously. “Well, ” said the pirate, “it was my first day with my hook”

A Purple Heart proves three things: you were smart enough to think of a plan, stupid enough to try it, and lucky enough to survive.10 second fuses only last 7 seconds. Anything you do can get you shot, even doing nothing. Claymores are labeled "This side toward enemy" for a reason. Don't draw fire, it irritates the people around you.Don't ever be the first, don't ever be the last and don't ever, ever volunteer to do anything.Don't look conspicuous: it draws fire. If it's stupid but works, it really isn't stupid. If the enemy is in range, so are you. If the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is *not* our friend. If you can't remember, the claymore is pointed at you. If your attack is going well, you have walked into an ambush. Incoming fire has the right of way.It is generally unadvisable to eject directly over the area you just bombed. Make it too tough for the enemy to get in and you can't get out. Mines are equal opportunity weapons. Never share a fox hole with anyone braver than more...

A 4th grade class was asked to get their parent to tell them a story with a moral. When they came back to school the next day, Ms. Jones asked them to share their stories. Little Mary was first."My mommy told me a story about farming. We own a farm where we raise chickens, and one time, we had three dozen eggs in a basket, and we put that basket in the truck, and we drove to the market. On the way, we went over a big bump, and all the eggs cracked and made a big mess.""And what was the moral?" Ms. Jones asked."Never put all your eggs in one basket." Mary chimed."Good. Now, Mark, what was your story?" Ms. Jones asked."My daddy told me a story about chicken farming too. One time, we got eight eggs from one chicken, but only seven off them hatched. The moral of my story is don't count your chickens before they hatch.""Good. Johnny, would you like to share your story?""My daddy told me a story about my Aunt Rose. She was a more...

Santa and Banta had just bought two horses. Now the problem was that they could not differenciate between the two horses. So, one day Santa cuts the left ear of his horse, so that it is easy to know that it is his horse. While doing so, an enemy of Santa looks at him. This enemy also cuts the left ear of banta. By doing so santa and banta come in confusion to differenciate. So, next thing santa keeps on cutting his horse`s right ear, then his tail, then makes him blind and so on. And the enemy also kept on doing so with banta`s horse. At last Santa`s horse had no legs left and banta`s horse was with one leg only. The enemy also went and cut banta`s horse one leg. So, in the morning it was the same sitaution, How to diffrenciate thier horses. So, after thinking and putting lots of effort to thier mind - Santa said - O. K You keep the black one and i will keep the white.

- Never share a foxhole with anyone braver than you.
- No battle plan ever survives contact with the enemy.
- Friendly fire ain't.
- The most dangerous thing in the combat zone is an officer with a map.
- The problem with taking the easy way out is that the enemy has already had it mined.
- The buddy system is essential to your survival; it gives the enemy somebody else to shoot at.
- Incoming fire has the right of way.
- If your advance is going well, you are walking into an ambush.
- If you really need an officer in a hurry, take a nap.
- The only thing more accurate than incoming enemy fire is incoming friendly fire.
- Don't be conspicuous. In the combat zone, it draws fire. Out of the combat zone, it draws sergeants.

A seaman meets a pirate in a bar, and talk turns to their adventures on the sea. The seaman notes that the pirate has a peg-leg, a hook, and an eye patch.
The seaman asks "So, how did you end up with the peg-leg?"
The pirate replies "We were in a storm at sea, and I was swept overboard into a school of sharks. Just as my men were pulling me out, a shark bit my leg off."
"Wow!" said the seaman. "What about your hook"?
"Well...", replied the pirate, "We were boarding an enemy ship and were battling the other sailors with swords. One of the enemy cut my hand off."
"Incredible!" remarked the seaman. "How did you get the eyepatch"?
"A seagull dropping fell into my eye.", replied the pirate.
"You lost your eye to a seagull dropping?" the sailor asked incredulously.
"Well...", said the pirate, "...it was my first day with the hook."