Dog Jokes / Recent Jokes

If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first? - The dog. He'll shut up once you let him in.

This guy sees a sign in front of a house "Talking Dog for Sale." He rings the bell and the owner tells him the dog is in the back yard. The guy goes into the back yard and sees a mutt sitting there."You talk?" he asks."Yep," the mutt replies."So, what's your story?"The mutt looks up and says, "Well, I discovered this gift pretty young and I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA about my gift, and in no time they had me
jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, cause no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies eight years running."The jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger and I wanted to settle down. So I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security work, mostly wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings there and was awarded a batch of more...

Science definitions from Kids... H2O is hot water, and CO2 is cold water. To collect fumes of sulphur, hold a deacon over a flame in a test tube. When you smell a oderless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide. Water is composed of two gins, oxygin and hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin. Hydrogin is gin and water. Three kinds of blood vessels are: arteries, vanes, and caterpillers. Blood flows down one leg and up the other. Respiration is composed of two acts, first inspiration, and then expectoration. The moon is a planet just like the earth, only it is even deader. Artificial insemination is when the farmer does it to the cow instead of the bull. Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them perspire. A supersaturated solution is one that holds more than it can hold. Mushrooms always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas. The pistol of a flower is its only protection against insects. The skeleton is what is left after the insides have been taken out more...

A group of tourists, stranded somewhere in the countryside, were given old rations to eat. Before eating the food, they tested it by throwing some of it to a dog who seemed to enjoy it and suffered no ill after effects.
The following day they learnt that the dog had died. Everyone was panic-stricken. Many began to vomit and complained of fever and dysentery. A doctor was called into treat the victims for food poisoning.
The doctor began by asking what had happened to the body of the dog. Enquiries were made. A neighbor casually said " Oh it was thrown in a ditch because it got run over by a car."

It's common practice in England to ring a telephone by signaling extra voltage across one side of the two wire circuit and ground (earth in England). When the subscriber answers the phone, it switches to the two wire circuit for the conversation. This method allows two parties on the same line to be signalled
without disturbing each other.
Anyway, an elderly lady with several pets called to say that her telephone failed to ring when her friends called; and that on the few occasions when it did ring her dog always barked first. The telephone repairman proceeded to the scene, curious to see this psychic dog. He climbed a nearby telephone pole, hooked in his test set, and dialed the subscriber's house. The phone didn't ring. He tried again. The dog barke loudly, followed by a ringing telephone.
Climbing down from the pole, the telephone repairman found:
1. A dog was tied to the telephone system's ground post via an iron chain and collar.
2. The dog was receiving more...

A man tried to sell his neighbour a new dog. "This is a talking dog," he said. "And you can have him for five dollars."
The neighbour said, "Who do you think you're kidding with this talking dog stuff? There ain't no such animal."
Suddenly the dog looked up with tears in his eyes. "Please buy me, Sir," he pleaded. "This man is cruel. He never buys me a meal, never bathes me, never takes me for a walk. And I used to be the richest trick dog in America. I performed before kings. I was in the army and was decorated ten times."
"Hey!" said the neighbour. "He can talk. Why do you want to sell him for just five dollars?"
"Because," said the seller, "I'm getting tired of all his lies."

"If there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die I want to go where they went." - Will Rogers
"We give dogs time we can spare, space we can spare and love we can spare. And in return, dogs give us their all. It's the best deal man has ever made." - M. Facklam
"The reason a dog has so many friends is that he wags his tail instead of his tongue." - Anonymous
"Dogs need to sniff the ground; it's how they keep abreast of current events. The ground is a giant dog newspaper, containing all kinds of late-breaking dog news items, which, if they are especially urgent, are often continued in the next yard." - Dave Barry
"Anybody who doesn't know what soap tastes like never washed a dog." - Franklin P. Jones
"If your dog is fat, you aren't getting enough exercise." - Unknown
"I wonder what goes through his mind when he sees us peeing in his water bowl." - Penny Ward Moser
"A dog teaches more...